Your caregiver probably advised you to wait to have sex until after the six week post-partum check up, especially if you had stitches. This is to make sure that the stitches have healed properly, your bleeding has stopped and that everything is back in place before she gives you the go ahead. Even if she hands you a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne, a Barry White CD and candles, your body may not be ready to resume sex just yet.
Many new moms are concerned that sex after delivery will be painful. Your body is on an estrogen strike and you may not have the natural lubrication that you're used to. The perineum can still feel tender and bruised especially if you had any tearing or stitches. It's likely that your breasts are tender and sore, too. After spending a large part of your time sharing your body with your baby you may not be enthusiastic about sharing your body with your man.
Pushing an eight pound bundle of joy through your vagina is no easy feat. The vaginal muscles may be stretched out, you may have less sensation, or your cervix may still be a little low. Make sure that you continue to do those Kegel exercises that you did throughout your pregnancy. They'll tighten your pelvic floor and help everything return to normal quickly.
Exhaustion is now a very real part of your life. Having a new baby means that your sleep schedule is non-existent-- you find yourself nodding off anytime you aren't moving. At this point the sexiest thing you can think of might be a bed, a babysitter, and about fifteen uninterrupted hours alone.
All of the hormone fluctuations, the lack of estrogen, the exhaustion, and a myriad of other issues are probably holding your libido hostage along with that cute bikini body that you had ten months ago. Your body doesn't feel, nor look, like your own.
The good news is that it doesn't last forever. You will eventually have mind blowing sex again but it may take time and patience. Relaxation and communication are important. You and your partner will need to take it slowly and spend lots of time cuddling and caressing. Let him know what feels good and what doesn't. Use a generous amount of plain lube-- the types that heat up or tingle can irritate your newly healed tissues. This may be a great time to experiment with new positions that give you more control over penetration.
If you have persistent discomfort during sex call your health care provider.
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