"Are we there yet?"
"She's touching me!"
In my van this type of nonsense usually provokes a nasty snarl and an announcement from me that everyone is now on a quiet timeout until we arrive at our destination.
But I have to admit that after logging several hours on the road with my children, I thought I'd heard it all. That is until the other day.
"GET YOUR SWEATY HANDS OFF MY NECK!" my oldest son cried out.
How unexpected and utterly ridiculous. I nearly collided with the vehicle beside me because I was laughing so hard. That's what happens when my kids break the monotony of clichÃ©d kid retorts.
"What's going on?"
"Aiden is trying to choke me!" my ten-year old son tattled on the toddler.
Of course, now I have to say something idiotic to my three-year old with every ounce of seriousness I can muster. "Aiden, we don't strangle people. It isn't nice."
Now that I am laughing, and doing a very poor job of stifling it, the ten-year old starts talking to me and trying to show me things like a picture in his book, the odd angle of his thumb, a toy and something we just passed on the freeway. And I have the attention span of a goldfish so I keep whipping my head around to look because I forget that I am driving.
"Stop showing me things! I need to pay attention. Did you see that we almost took out a utility pole?"
I've thought of buying a limousine. I need some sort of vehicle with a window that I can raise to shut out the sounds from the children behind me. But knowing them, they'd be tapping frantically on the window every five minutes. I'd roll down the window a crack.
"What do you want?"
"JD burped in my ear." Up goes the window.
Rap, rap, rap!
"Ummmmm..." Up goes the window --
"Wait! I remember now, Momma."
"Are we there yet?"
On second thought, maybe I'll just buy a tractor-trailer -- a refrigerated one so they can chill out while I drive in the warm cab up front with just MY music playing, none of that kiddie crud. But then I've got that attention of a goldfish thing going against me. All I can say is when you see me coming you better move aside. Parent onboard!
And you'll see personalized content just for you whenever you click the My Feed .
SheKnows is making some changes!