The importance of the father-daughter relationship

Oct 11, 2012 12:00 PM by Elizabeth Weiss McGolerick

Posted in Parenting / Parenting Tips & Advice / Child Development & Health

How Fathers Influence Daughters

A girl’s father is one of the most influential people in her life, from infant to toddler to tween to teen. Learn why Dad has such a big impact on his little girl’s development into a strong, confident woman.

dad and daughter

A father's influence in his daughter's life shapes her self-esteem, self-image, confidence and opinions of men. "How Dad approaches life will serve as an example for his daughter to build off of in her own life, even if she chooses a different view of the world," says Michael Austin, associate professor of philosophy at Eastern Kentucky University and editor of Fatherhood - Philosophy for Everyone: The Dao of Daddy.

"What matters in the father-daughter relationship is that Dad seeks to live a life of integrity and honesty, avoiding hypocrisy and admitting his own shortcomings, so that she has a realistic and positive example of how to deal with the world. He should try to model a reflective approach to life's big questions so that she can seek to do the same," he adds.

Dads and daughters: From infant to toddler

We now live in a culture where Dad is an equal partner in care giving. From day one, dads are encouraged to be hands-on, changing diapers, giving baths, putting Baby to sleep and calming her cries. That presence and effort is the beginning of a very important relationship.

"Dads need to spend time with their infant daughter."

According to Austin, this quality time together is crucial at all stages of a girl's life. "Dads need to spend time with their infant daughter, taking care of her physical needs and supporting her Mom," he explains. And once the little lady starts toddling around, "[i]t's essential that Dad gets down on the floor — on her level — and plays with her," Austin says.

Fathers and daughters: From tween to teen

It's those pesky "hormonal" years that can often have dads shying away from their moody and sometimes standoffish daughter. When there's a tween girl in the house, "[d]ads should focus on cultivating a trusting relationship so that their daughters feel secure talking with them about what's going on in their lives," Austin explains. "When necessary, dads should apologize and ask for forgiveness, as this both shows respect and love to our daughters and heals the hurts that are inevitable in daily life together."

As a girl continues to grow and her teen years become fraught with complicated issues, dads should continue to work on building a trusting relationship, give affection and support her as she learns more about who she is and what kind of person she wants to become, Austin says. "It's imperative that, no matter what, dads avoid the temptation to pull away or withdraw during this sometimes challenging stage of growing up."

A father's influence on a daughter's self-image

A dad's involvement in his daughter's life is a crucial ingredient in the development of a young woman's self-esteem. Austin identifies positive elements of "common sense" parenting for dads so they can help support their daughter's self-image and curb any possibility of low self-esteem: Verbal encouragement, being consistently present in her life, being alert and sensitive to her feelings, taking time to listen to her thoughts and taking an active interest in her hobbies. "It's important to actually do these things, which can sometimes be quite challenging," Austin adds. Direct involvement and encouragement by her father will help diminish a girl's insecurity and increase her confidence in her own abilities.

How dads influence their daughter's relationships

The type of men that women date and have long-term relationships with are also directly related to the kind of relationship a girl has with her father. Obviously, the hope is that the father figure in a girl's life will aim to skew that young lady's opinions of men in a positive way. "He must, first and foremost, treat his daughter with respect and love. Whether or not he is married to or still together with his daughter's mom, showing respect to her mother is essential as well," explains Austin. "He must also value women as human beings, and not as persons to be used. Daughters will see what their dads believe about women by how they value and respect women, or by how they fail to do so."

More on Dad

5 Fun daddy daughter date ideas
The importance of the father-child bond
The father of the bride's role

Tags: daughters and self esteem fathers self esteem

Comments

Comments on "The importance of the father-daughter relationship"

Jean you are a wicked person. I suggest you have someone else teach your daughter how to interact with people, because clearly you fail in that department.

i hug my 16 yr old daughter everyday, i dont over cheerlead, i talk about boys, drugs and drinking every week. I tell her how great her mom is. I tell her to be kind to her younger brother.. ..he is a great guy and looks up to you. I tell her to choose her friends wisely. ask your friends how their doing.. ..dont talk about yourself all the time. I am brutelly honest with her.. ..too much make up, that out fit looks good or bad on you(Im in the clothing business).. ..she has developed a thick skin and loves my honesty. I tell her that the one person in this world that cares the most about her is herself. I never tell her she gifted or naturally good at something. she has a 90 average in school because she decided to do that, she studied, she prioritized. She is on the podium consistantly in sports because she trained her ass off. I will pick you up at a party when you need a ride home but I will not drive you to the mall to go shopping. I will not give you money to go shopping.. I will never buy you a cel phone, buy it yourself. I will help you with your resume. She got a job last summer at 15 and is very proud of herself. I tell her she will leave this house in 2 short yrs when she goes to university(if she chooses). I am simply preparing her for the real world.. ...I am so proud of her, she is an incredible girl.. ..I love her so much and never want her to grow up and leave our house. Britt Stevens

@ Kay, take your own chill pill and stay out of the conversation if you can't comment with respect. In the first place, a decent person, doesn't jump into a conversation to correct another grown person. When people do that it shows a character defect. You need to back up, and I mean way up!!

@ Jean, Take a Chill Pill. Just because you don't agree with someone's view of their own dad doesn't give you the right to stand on your soap box and tell everyone why a mom is the most important one. BOTH parents made the child BOTH parents should be equally important. Obviously one child is going to gravitate more towards one parent (most do). But that doesn't mean that he/she is more important. The are plenty of "daddy's girls" and "mama's boys" out there. It all depends on how that child is raised. Just because you may have had a better more trusting relationship with your mother, doesn't mean that applies to all children.

@Quinn, who are you calling foolish? You cannot tell women and girls how to feel about their dad. Every family is different. My man is not more important than me, when it comes to my girls. What i say to my girls is just as important and necessary as what their dad says to them. In fact, there are some topics that dad has no business talking with them about and they would not want to tell him certain things. So stop trying to change the rules for girls in our country. And if you cannot comment without calling people names, like foolish, you need to take your behind somewhere else.

I agree that a father is the absolute most important man in a daughters life. Children NEED both mother & father. It's foolish to think a daughter needs guidance from her mother and the father should just take care of the son. I'm sorry but that's not how things work, in order for both son and daughter to be successful in life and be confident in their self they need different things from their mom and dad.

Again I say, "A dad is not the most important person in a girl's life." Her mother is the number one parent in her life and the dad is the number one parent for the son, in that he needs to be teaching that son how to respectfully treat women. A mother just as much, teachers her daughter about men. In fact, a daughter prefers to speak with mom, sisters and other female leaders about men, not dad. We need to stop exalting dads over moms. It makse the next generation disregard the mom. That is so sad.

I completely agree that the most important man in a girls life is her dad. I can't even imagine not having my dad in my life. He's installed values in me and he and I have a special relationship. He has discipline over me but at the same time, him and I are able to talk and we have a bond. When I was younger I didn't really realize how important my relationship with my dad was.but over the past couple of years, I've learned that I need him. A dad shows his daughter how all men should treat her by being respectful and leading by example. My dad is the most Iimportant man in my life and our relationship is important.

He's here, but not really there when you need him. I had a bad break up and he never supported me or comforted me. He just told me I'll regret it one day that I ended my relationship. I asked him to be there for me and he stopped talking to me for over a month. I dealt with all my emotions alone, unable to talk about it to anyone because nobody was on my side. I'm the only child of his thats never caused him to be disgraced or disrespected. And this is how he treats me. Well now I have a job, I support myself. I dont need him to do anything for me. Of course it hurts that your own father can hurt you so bad. But I've accomplished alot without his help or my mothers

This father daughter thing is over rated. I think a certain race exalts their men and allows their men to be worshipped a little too much over the mother. The real thing that a daughter and a son needs is a loving and responsible mother and father. The father does not need to be over emphasized in a girl's life if her mother is letting the girl know tha she is loved. Where did we start this weird practice. The same people who tells a man that he is the most important in his daughter's life is the same man that wants to watch that daughter grow up and give birth. This is so weird people.

My father loved my mother, and respect women. But he didn't respect me. My father was busy working, and involved with his religion, and being a father to me and my brothers. But he never talked to me, or appreciate any talents that I have. He didn't sit down and just talked to just me. I was jealous because he likes women, but he didn't like me. I don't understand. He loved my mom, he spent time with my brothers, but he didn't spend time with me. I don't understand.

The importance of fathers to the girl child can't be overemphasized .They are a girls first love. if they are good it will determine what a girl looks for in a man

Hi Susan, How ironic is it that you didn't have a relationship with your father and you ended up with a guy that is pretty much doling out the same behaviors with your own daughters. Kind of solidifies the theory doesn't it. I learned this about myself years ago...and I was able to make the correct adjustments in my life to be able to see a bad relationship, and essentially learn to love myself. I married the a man who is the exact opposite of my dad, and I literally fall in love with him all over again when I see how he plays with his baby girl. Should you leave your husband? That is a drastic measure, but I believe a woman should do all she can to give her babies the best. How she learns to be treated from a man will impact her life on a tremendous scale, we're talking about emotional, physical and even financial here. I would suggest...that you find a way to get her to experience great men. I'm not sure if you have any brothers or have a friend that you know is great with his daughters. She really just needs to be exposed to what a good father or man looks like. Of course, this should be done with proper supervision, but, do your best to find a way to get her to experience what a good man acts and how it feels to be loved by one. You may very well have to push the nuclear button on this one. I wish you luck...

I know that not only is it important for your daughter but also important for a father. my daughter means the world to me. but i have been deployed for a total of 1 year and when i get back she will be 1 year and 4 months old. being away from her is hard but i know that she will never forget me and she will know that i love her. knowing that im playing that pivitol role in her life makes me want to be the best guy, the best father that i could possibly be.

There is no way I can ever live a day with out supporting some part of my life... Especially my own daughter, I too had a dad incarcerated throughout my life. The feeling of happiness of ones own child is priceless. I lacked this in my own life I would never want to implement something like that on my own.

I really wish my husband would care enough to read this article... being a girl whose dad was always incarcerated, never with us, I can relate tremendously- its probably why I put up with him not suppoting our daughters cheerleading or anything she does for that matter... But after reading this I have kinda picked a fight that turned extremely ugly so my question is if he already has practicly nothing to do with her hobbies or emotional needs, would it be wrong of me to want out of this marriage?