A Brand New
Family

I knew for many, many years that I wanted to be a mom someday. When I was a teen, I remember drawing the floor plan of the house I would have someday - penciling in the rooms and the names of the 13 children I would have. When I was in college, my aunt adopted her first child from Honduras. I remember meeting them at the airport and the early days of watching this new addition to our family. That same aunt adopted again from China five years later and so the idea of adopting as a single person was always something I knew would be an option for me as well. I did not have a particular timeframe in mind, but I knew that it was something I was very interested in doing “some day.”

Delaney and mom

Finally, around the time of my birthday in 2006, I took the leap! It was time to start working on adopting. I only seriously considered the agency my aunt used, so I focused on their programs. I began finding online support groups, researched on the web, attended an informational meeting and met with the director of the agency I had in mind. I toggled between a few international programs and worked on my initial paperwork and finances. A few months later, I submitted my initial paperwork. At this point, I focused on adoption from Vietnam – it was a new program for my agency, a newly re-opened program between the United States and Vietnam and, at the time, it appeared it would be an excellent match for me. For a variety of reasons, I chose to request a baby boy and I anticipated getting a referral and traveling six to 10 months after completing my paperwork.

Initial heartbreak

The path to adopting is rarely predictable and smooth. Unfortunately, the Vietnam program for my agency (and for many other agencies) never progressed into a solid program. After a number of months it became clear that I would not be bringing home a son from Vietnam through this agency.

While truly devastated and at a loss of how to move forward, I talked about options and we briefly discussed domestic adoption. I had been interested in domestic adoption from the beginning, but I did not think it was a viable option given that I would be adopting as a single woman. I was intimidated by domestic adoption -- by waiting to be chosen by someone, by the possibility of things falling through, by the weight of the bad stories you hear time and again of domestic adoptions gone bad.

Stacy and DelaneyLetting go & moving on

I was not ready for a switch the first or even second time I talked to my social worker about making a change. But finally, I was ready. I was ready to let go of the baby I imagined from Vietnam, ready to let go of the trip, the experience, the culture, the bonds I had formed with that path I had been envisioning for months. In transitioning into the domestic adoption program, I was told that as a single person I would likely wait much longer than couples did and that my chances were definitely much slimmer of being successfully matched. I worked on my profile and tortured myself over every single decision. I worried, cried, panicked and otherwise twisted myself into a ball of stress over each detail. I turned my profile into my agency and waited. Impatiently.

Along the way with that agency, I became friends with another single gal I had met at an agency function. We had a great deal in common and developed not only a strong friendship, but leaned on and utilized one another to survive the process. We were both single, both originally working on adopting from Vietnam and had both started around the same time. When things looked good we celebrated and when things looked dour we leaned on one another's shoulders. We both came to terms with needing to make a change around the same time and brainstormed over our domestic profiles together.

Shortly after our shift to focusing on the domestic adoption program, she let me know that she had sent her paperwork off to a new agency and she had been matched! Within a couple of months, I sat in her living room holding her new, tiny, beautiful three-week-old baby girl. I wrote down the name of the new agency and drove home with a mission. Within a few weeks I, too, had sent my paperwork off to that agency. Then I waited with baited breath.

Next page: Stacy's adoption story continues

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Tags: adoption stories single mom

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Comments

Comments on "My adoption story: Single mom Stacy adopts Delaney"

Patricia King February 18, 2014 | 11:03 AM

Beautiful story!!! I just recently began the process of researching adoption agencies for single parent adoption and was wondering if anyone could recommend a good, solid agency(s) to use.

Ri January 28, 2014 | 12:18 PM

Stacy this story like many adoption stories almost brought me to tears because its so heart warming-the love you have to give that adorable little girl along with the chance your giving her for a better life by being her mommy is beautiful and i honestly commend you for that! it makes you an every day hero in my eyes shes so lucky to have you and im sure you feel the same. As a young woman i know i could easily go and get knocked up and have a baby of my own but to know there are so many babies in this world in need of a loving home makes me believe that is a somewhat selfish route to take, your story is inspiring God bless you and your beautiful angel xo

Keisha August 15, 2013 | 5:11 AM

Oh, this Is a beautiful story! I just recently began researching single parent adoption. I'm young, but I know that it is a long and arduous process...I too am interested in domestic adoption! Congrats mama and thank you for sharing your story!

amanda July 31, 2013 | 5:20 PM

thank you for sharing your amazing story! as a mid 30-something, professional single woman....who wants nothing more than to be a mommy....your adoption journey has been so inspiring. I made the decision to become a single mother by choice last summer, and through all of the fertility work up, discovered that I am not able to have any biologic children. devastating doesn't even come close to how I felt at that time. adoption wasn't even on my radar, because I wanted to experience pregnancy as well. I truly believe that God leads our hearts where He feels we are most needed, and adoption is seemingly the place for me :) again, thank you so much for sharing your story....it's really solidified the concept of adoption for me and how important it is to be able to provide so much love to such a sweet little life!!

Corrine June 26, 2013 | 8:18 PM

Stacy, Thanks, I have my first meeting with an agency tomorrow. I'm nervous and excited. After so many years waiting for the 'husband' piece of the equation, I've finally determined that I don't need a husband to fulfill my dreams (though it would be nice), but I definitely need a child (and hopefully children someday). I'm thrilled and deciding between adoption and foster-to-adopt domestically. I don't make a ton of money so the cost of daycare is daunting, but I know I can make my dream come true. You are an inspiration!

Kristen August 28, 2012 | 11:14 AM

Thank you for this beautiful story. I am in the midst of the home study and am cautiously optimistic that I will soon be a single, mommy, too!

lily July 05, 2012 | 7:48 PM

I am only 23 since I was little I have always consider adoption and reading these stories makes me want to even more but first have to work om me first thank u so much

Kelly Ozley August 09, 2010 | 7:42 PM

Loved your story and I can totally relate. I adopted two girls from Moldova (just completed #2 5/6/10). Best part of my life. Really happy and proud for you. I blogged on my experience if you are interested. Moldova (their country) is not well known - but really lovely people. Best to you.

Tina July 13, 2010 | 9:50 PM

Love your story. I too am a single mom to a adorable son I adopted at birth. The wait can be long, but it is worth it!

Shawna July 10, 2010 | 8:00 PM

Amazing story from an amazing mom!!

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