Your 4 year old: Development, behavior and parenting tips

Mar 17, 2010 10:30 PM by Beth Stewart

Posted in Parenting / Parenting Tips & Advice / Child Development & Health

Curious And Fun 4-Year-Olds

Your 4 year old is full of energy, talkative and curious. He’s eager to show you what he can do. You and he will both be excited by his accomplishments. He constantly tests his environment and will waffle between feelings of security and insecurity. He may also be a bossy little tyke who makes up stories. You will experience emotional highs and lows with this age and each day will be a new challenge for both of you.

Funny four year old boy

Each child is different and what one child does at four might be quite different from another. However there are some benchmarks that you will find your four year old reaching this year.

4-year-old developmental milestones

Social skills for 4-year-olds

• shows more independence -- able to brush his teeth and get dressed by himself
• demanding but also eagerly cooperative
• may be rude, or even tell you to shut up -- the more you emotionally react, the more he will misbehave
• he wants to be liked and to please his friends and perhaps has a best friend which could be of either sex
• knows about everyday things like food, money and appliances and the concept of time
• as he has little sense of ownership, possession means he views all things as his
• has learned sympathy and sadness when someone or something is in pain -- that is what he wants when he is in the same situation
• has become aware of sexuality and has a natural curiosity about it
• shows a high degree of interest in singing, dancing and acting
• brims over with imaginative ideas
• tries to distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality
• he may like telling "tall tales"

Motor skills for 4-year-olds

• has the coordination and balance of an adult -- also the muscular strength to perform more challenging activities
• loves movement-- climbing, swinging, somersaulting and skipping
• enjoys writing, painting, modeling, cutting, pasting and building structures
• hand drawn pictures will contain all of the essential elements like eyes, nose and mouth -- although they won't look like people to you

Language skills for 4-year-olds

• can count to ten or more
• can name at least four colors
• enjoys using the four letter words he has heard and particularly enjoys the look on your face when he says them -- don't overreact!

What is the best way to discipline your preschooler? Get tips here!

Parenting SURVIVAL TIPS

Your 4-year old is at an important learning stage. Let him set his own pace as you provide opportunities to encourage his enthusiasm and creativity. Take him to the zoo, museums, and don't forget the art gallery. There are many good books which illustrate the spatial concepts he needs to learn like over and under, and opposites like big and small.

Encourage your child's relationships with his friends. However, you will find that with this exposure, he will realize there are other values and opinions besides yours.

Physical safety is still a big issue as motor skills have increased substantially but judgment is lacking. He will need to be reminded to wait and hold hands before crossing the street and although he will probably loves water and wants to swim never leave him unattended.

As he expresses his normal curiosity about sexuality, don't scold or punish. Answer his questions with short age-appropriate answers. Get tips here on how to answer your preschoolers questions about sex.

Don't overreact to unpleasant behaviors. 'Time out's' are an effective form of punishment for this age. Usually it's recommend one minute per year, so try a four minute time out.

Next page: Brain-boosting activities for 4-year-olds

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Tags: child development preschoolers

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Comments on "Your 4 year old: Development, behavior and parenting tips"

My 4 year old daughter seems quite bright. She can count to 20, hold a full conversation with adults, due to her being in an adults world. We have no other children. My problem is she is so demanding. She seems to be in overdrive all the time. Her climbing skills are not the best, she seems to have a fear of heights. She is still reluctant to go to 3yr old Kinda. Hates me leaving her with people that are not FAMILY she says. She is very clingy to me. Sometimes she doesn't want to be with her father she cries for me, especially at night. If I dont put her to bed, she cries and gives hubby a hard time. She tells him she misses me and wants me to come home. We are pretty important to each other, but I need some space and she is constantly behind me. We have a play room full of toys and she hardly plays with any of them. She will watch T.V and then when her favourite show is over, she comes looking for me. At times, I sit outside to smoke and cry cause it can be too much. I have been wondering if she may have ADHD or something. People tell me her behaviour is normal, but at times I wonder. Why wont she play with her toys alone? She gets bored easy. As I am writting this, she is next to me. I can not watch any T.V or read a book, cause she wont let me enjoy anything that takes attention of her. Is all this normal?

I am a grandmother of a 4 yr old boy. He's cute, smart, and always likes to learn. He can play by himself or with others.His parents are getting a divorce and are doing a wonderful job of keeping each other in the boys life and so far its working with out much complaints from my grandson. I am also a Texas and raised as a Catholice, but have not been Catholic for years. I was raised with strict standards including never talk back to your elders even if something was not your fault. My grandson likes to make mean ficious faces with claws from his fingers at me.I do not like this cause there is no reason for this behavior. So Istarted doing it back to him but made no difference. I have told him not to do that to me any more. My daughter, mother, tells me to ignore this but he continues on and I am the one getting scolded. This motion tells me he is being disrespectful. If the mother says its ok to do something or have something especially after throwing a temper tantrum and I backed the mother, she later lets him have whatever and then my grandson looks at me and sticks his tongue out basically laughing cause he got away with it. This may sound petty but it bugs the hec out of me. I have no problem telling him he can not use my computer cause he was ruded to me until the he goes crying to his mom. Then she over rides my decision. I raised 2 girls 10 years apart alone and never did either one of my girls talk to me or any other adult the way my grandson behaves. So between the horrible faces and claws and the talking rude to me, especially calling me fat, could you give me some advice.

Imagination is the learning world of a 4 year old. It is still hard to understand at this age the concept let alone the impact of a lie. Ethics are not an ability learned until a bit later, but the groundwork still needs to be in place. Simple correction of lies that are about protecting her/himself from punishment-such as 'I did not break that toy", should be met with correction and a brief explanation that lying is not ok. However, "imaginative" or "creative lying" will be boundless at this age. Such as " really, a dragon came into my room and told me to not take a bath tonight!" It need not be met with correction or punishments. But the dragon certainly does not get the say! :)

My 4 yr old grandson was playing with another boy about his age at the dr's office waiting room and grabbed the other boy and kissed him. Is this normal behavior.

My son is turning 4 years old in October, I noticed he often misbehave such as screaming, shouting, crying whenever his demands could not be met. He kept insisting "I want this now". Despite I keep telling him nicely he can't do this, there is no toy today, he needs to go to school etc. He will start to cry & scream. How should my husband & I correct his behavior without losing our cool. Please advise. Thank you.

My 4-year old is supposed to start 3-day full day preschool in three weeks, but is still having a lot of trouble with potty training. We've tried everything -- stickers, rewards, DVDs, etc. But he still has at least one accident a day. If he isn't trained by the time school starts, they will send him home (this happened to him a years ago so I waited). He is doing fine developmentally...can count to 15, knows his colors, talks a lot, though sometimes it's hard to understand what he is saying. Help!

Help I don't know what to do in the last few months my 4 year old who just turned 4 august 2 is acting out he doesnt listen, talks back and the most stressful thing is every time I try to do something for myself like walk on the treadmill he starts crying make it hard for me to do anything and now he will not even go outside and play with his younger brother without thinking I have to be there I can't do anything with out him following me around its like he is having some kind of separation. I work only 2-3 days a week so im home all the time with him what do I do? I'm sick of yelling and spank cause of it. I really is starting to take a toll on me

My four year old can count to 20 unaided and to 100 with prompts, she knows all her colors and how to mix to make colors. She has a large vocabulary and can name more dinosaurs than I care to mention. I have c aught her in a fabrication and wonder if that is within the "norm".