Your 4 year old: Development, behavior and parenting tips

Mar 17, 2010 10:30 PM by Beth Stewart

Posted in Parenting / Parenting Tips & Advice / Child Development & Health

Curious And Fun 4-Year-Olds

Your 4 year old is full of energy, talkative and curious. He’s eager to show you what he can do. You and he will both be excited by his accomplishments. He constantly tests his environment and will waffle between feelings of security and insecurity. He may also be a bossy little tyke who makes up stories. You will experience emotional highs and lows with this age and each day will be a new challenge for both of you.

Funny four year old boy

Each child is different and what one child does at four might be quite different from another. However there are some benchmarks that you will find your four year old reaching this year.

4-year-old developmental milestones

Social skills for 4-year-olds

• shows more independence -- able to brush his teeth and get dressed by himself
• demanding but also eagerly cooperative
• may be rude, or even tell you to shut up -- the more you emotionally react, the more he will misbehave
• he wants to be liked and to please his friends and perhaps has a best friend which could be of either sex
• knows about everyday things like food, money and appliances and the concept of time
• as he has little sense of ownership, possession means he views all things as his
• has learned sympathy and sadness when someone or something is in pain -- that is what he wants when he is in the same situation
• has become aware of sexuality and has a natural curiosity about it
• shows a high degree of interest in singing, dancing and acting
• brims over with imaginative ideas
• tries to distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality
• he may like telling "tall tales"

Motor skills for 4-year-olds

• has the coordination and balance of an adult -- also the muscular strength to perform more challenging activities
• loves movement-- climbing, swinging, somersaulting and skipping
• enjoys writing, painting, modeling, cutting, pasting and building structures
• hand drawn pictures will contain all of the essential elements like eyes, nose and mouth -- although they won't look like people to you

Language skills for 4-year-olds

• can count to ten or more
• can name at least four colors
• enjoys using the four letter words he has heard and particularly enjoys the look on your face when he says them -- don't overreact!

What is the best way to discipline your preschooler? Get tips here!

Parenting SURVIVAL TIPS

Your 4-year old is at an important learning stage. Let him set his own pace as you provide opportunities to encourage his enthusiasm and creativity. Take him to the zoo, museums, and don't forget the art gallery. There are many good books which illustrate the spatial concepts he needs to learn like over and under, and opposites like big and small.

Encourage your child's relationships with his friends. However, you will find that with this exposure, he will realize there are other values and opinions besides yours.

Physical safety is still a big issue as motor skills have increased substantially but judgment is lacking. He will need to be reminded to wait and hold hands before crossing the street and although he will probably loves water and wants to swim never leave him unattended.

As he expresses his normal curiosity about sexuality, don't scold or punish. Answer his questions with short age-appropriate answers. Get tips here on how to answer your preschoolers questions about sex.

Don't overreact to unpleasant behaviors. 'Time out's' are an effective form of punishment for this age. Usually it's recommend one minute per year, so try a four minute time out.

Next page: Brain-boosting activities for 4-year-olds

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Tags: child development preschoolers

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Comments on "Your 4 year old: Development, behavior and parenting tips"

We co-sleep with my 3.5 year old son. From the beginning, we tried to follow all the advice from "experts", by the book and made him sleep in his crib; first in an attached small bed to our bed, then in his own room in a crib. We have a screen monitor close to our bed. We did not sleep at all, I was exhausted and resentful with my husband. When he was 15 months old, he started showed signs of separation anxiety that broke my heart. One night he was all covered in sweat, pooped and extending his arms to me begging me to take him. I have a moment of realization. My son was suffering and I was too, my instinct was to bring him to bed with us. He could not be happier. We have to bear all the judgment from family and friends. Now the same people, who judged us, comment how smart, loving, independent, communicative and wise kid he is for his age. Not a clingy kid at all. He loves making new friends everywhere we go and talks to them like another person. No fears. His friend same age, not a co-sleeper, throw the most incredible tantrums that makes all the people in a room, stare at his parents. I am not judging them, but it shows me that my kid is adjusted even thought we co-sleep. I am glad I followed my maternal instinct and not what I was told was best for our family. The judgment can keep coming; we have a happy kid and family.

My 4 year old son is saying things like, I want to hit you, I want to kick you, I want to hit you so hard, I don't like you, I'm mad, I don't care, I don't want to be nice. He also points his fingers at myself and my husband and pretends to shoot us when he is mad. Where is this all coming from? We are very loving parents and we don't speak to our children like this. Should I be concerned?

I am a single mother to my son who is four hes just turned 4 on the 25/04/2012 hes a lovely kind thoughtful little boy who knows all his colours and can count to twenty or so hes intellegent and big for his age Ihave problems with some behaviours though i have tryed triple p and also supernannys advice my boy is hyper all the time hes very clingy he wont play by himself although sometimes he will depending on his mood he wantas constant attention all the time wants me to play with him constantly he screams shouts demands all my attention if i have visitors he will play up and i feel i cannot talk to them as he wants all the attention hes going through a stage of being very demanding and wanting things all his way or no way attoll i give him loads of attention but wish he could understand that sometimes i cannot play with him all the time as i have dinners to make washings to do work to do it is very frustrating everyone keeps saying its a phase he will grow out of it but im exausted i love my son to bits but its difficult im raising him myself my partner and i split three years ago i never thought i would end up a single parent parenting is the hardest job in the world but i wouldnt change it for the world but its dam difficult help

Michelle- I know how you feel! My son is clingy too. He wont let me out of his sight. There are no other children in the house so he wants me to play with him all the time. He won't settle for just any kind of play, he has a few specific toys that he wants me to play with and nothing else will do, its funny. It drives me crazy and Im now pregnant so it seems like every time I sit down to rest, this is when he want's to play! I try to explain to him that grownups don't always feel like playing all the time. I set aside an hour each day of uninterrupted mommy time with him, and he still is my constant shadow. I remind myself this won't last long. In no time he'll be growing up and not wanting to spend so much time with me any more. I think this clingyness will ease up when I get him in preschool, anyway. Hang in there!

My 4 year old son just started soccer this year. Hes a big boy ( 3 ft 10 in, 55 lbs) and much bigger than the rest of his team mates. Im finding that hes not as energetic as the other kids. Hes great at soccer and loves it, but after about 15 20 min into a game hes exhausted! He eats healthy, loves veggies and fruits, grilled chicken and some seafood. he drinks lots of water and milk, and we recently started gatorade for soccer. all of his friends in our neighborhood are 6 and 7 years old, he has a hard time keeping up with them when they play outside and he gets frustrated. all my neices on my husbands side are obese and very lazy, so we are doing everything we can to keep him active, i am just concerned about his energy. all the kids we know are extremely active and are non stop on the move, my son tries to be on the go but hes takes alot of water breaks compared to the other kids. what can i do to boost his energy??

Hi my 4year old boy is extremely bright, too bright sometimes, very witty and humorous. Yet he is very stubborn and only wants things his way. He does not listen and can be physically playful with his rowdy schoolmates when enticed to play. He does not care if we take things away or put him in time out. He will cry and say he is sorry but then ten minutes later he is back to the same negative behaviors. I teach special education and I find myself struggling with understanding the development of a typical child. He is constantly full of energy and life but simply does what he wants when he wants. Please any advice

Hi, I need some advice; I have a four year old son. It is his first year of Crèche. We went to his first meeting, to get the report on his first observation for the two weeks he was at crèche. Bare in mind he is the only child, most of the time he watched TV, played on a computer. He had no friends to grow up with. This is the following what the report said; He laughs out load, none stop! He cries sometimes for no reason He will play alone in the sand, instead of going on the jungle gym with other kids. He makes baby noises I really need some advice??????

My 4 year old daughter seems quite bright. She can count to 20, hold a full conversation with adults, due to her being in an adults world. We have no other children. My problem is she is so demanding. She seems to be in overdrive all the time. Her climbing skills are not the best, she seems to have a fear of heights. She is still reluctant to go to 3yr old Kinda. Hates me leaving her with people that are not FAMILY she says. She is very clingy to me. Sometimes she doesn't want to be with her father she cries for me, especially at night. If I dont put her to bed, she cries and gives hubby a hard time. She tells him she misses me and wants me to come home. We are pretty important to each other, but I need some space and she is constantly behind me. We have a play room full of toys and she hardly plays with any of them. She will watch T.V and then when her favourite show is over, she comes looking for me. At times, I sit outside to smoke and cry cause it can be too much. I have been wondering if she may have ADHD or something. People tell me her behaviour is normal, but at times I wonder. Why wont she play with her toys alone? She gets bored easy. As I am writting this, she is next to me. I can not watch any T.V or read a book, cause she wont let me enjoy anything that takes attention of her. Is all this normal?

I am a grandmother of a 4 yr old boy. He's cute, smart, and always likes to learn. He can play by himself or with others.His parents are getting a divorce and are doing a wonderful job of keeping each other in the boys life and so far its working with out much complaints from my grandson. I am also a Texas and raised as a Catholice, but have not been Catholic for years. I was raised with strict standards including never talk back to your elders even if something was not your fault. My grandson likes to make mean ficious faces with claws from his fingers at me.I do not like this cause there is no reason for this behavior. So Istarted doing it back to him but made no difference. I have told him not to do that to me any more. My daughter, mother, tells me to ignore this but he continues on and I am the one getting scolded. This motion tells me he is being disrespectful. If the mother says its ok to do something or have something especially after throwing a temper tantrum and I backed the mother, she later lets him have whatever and then my grandson looks at me and sticks his tongue out basically laughing cause he got away with it. This may sound petty but it bugs the hec out of me. I have no problem telling him he can not use my computer cause he was ruded to me until the he goes crying to his mom. Then she over rides my decision. I raised 2 girls 10 years apart alone and never did either one of my girls talk to me or any other adult the way my grandson behaves. So between the horrible faces and claws and the talking rude to me, especially calling me fat, could you give me some advice.

Imagination is the learning world of a 4 year old. It is still hard to understand at this age the concept let alone the impact of a lie. Ethics are not an ability learned until a bit later, but the groundwork still needs to be in place. Simple correction of lies that are about protecting her/himself from punishment-such as 'I did not break that toy", should be met with correction and a brief explanation that lying is not ok. However, "imaginative" or "creative lying" will be boundless at this age. Such as " really, a dragon came into my room and told me to not take a bath tonight!" It need not be met with correction or punishments. But the dragon certainly does not get the say! :)

My 4 yr old grandson was playing with another boy about his age at the dr's office waiting room and grabbed the other boy and kissed him. Is this normal behavior.

My son is turning 4 years old in October, I noticed he often misbehave such as screaming, shouting, crying whenever his demands could not be met. He kept insisting "I want this now". Despite I keep telling him nicely he can't do this, there is no toy today, he needs to go to school etc. He will start to cry & scream. How should my husband & I correct his behavior without losing our cool. Please advise. Thank you.

My 4-year old is supposed to start 3-day full day preschool in three weeks, but is still having a lot of trouble with potty training. We've tried everything -- stickers, rewards, DVDs, etc. But he still has at least one accident a day. If he isn't trained by the time school starts, they will send him home (this happened to him a years ago so I waited). He is doing fine developmentally...can count to 15, knows his colors, talks a lot, though sometimes it's hard to understand what he is saying. Help!

Help I don't know what to do in the last few months my 4 year old who just turned 4 august 2 is acting out he doesnt listen, talks back and the most stressful thing is every time I try to do something for myself like walk on the treadmill he starts crying make it hard for me to do anything and now he will not even go outside and play with his younger brother without thinking I have to be there I can't do anything with out him following me around its like he is having some kind of separation. I work only 2-3 days a week so im home all the time with him what do I do? I'm sick of yelling and spank cause of it. I really is starting to take a toll on me

My four year old can count to 20 unaided and to 100 with prompts, she knows all her colors and how to mix to make colors. She has a large vocabulary and can name more dinosaurs than I care to mention. I have c aught her in a fabrication and wonder if that is within the "norm".