Balance between being a mom and a friend

When a child is very young, the mother serves as her protector, her provider and her everything. At a very young age, children learn that the best place to go for answers, help and love is their mother. But as the child grows older, the mother's role begins to change.

Teenage trouble

Many teenagers and pre-teenagers can view their mother (and father) as the enemy. After all, the parents are the ones that make all the rules and provide the discipline at a time when children want to explore their horizons. Because of this, conflict often arises in the home and children can become secretive about their friends, their interests and their whereabouts. This leads to even more conflict between mother and daughter.

For this reason, many mothers often strive to develop a friendship with their teenager daughters, hoping their daughters will open up and see them as a confidante rather than a parental figure.

Striving to be a cool, hip mom that your teenage daughter can relate to can definitely have its benefits. If your daughter views you as her friend, she will be more likely to come to you with problems and ask questions when faced with difficult decisions about drinking, drugs, sex and life. However, you should be aware that you might learn some things that you didn't really want to know.

Though being close to your daughter can be very beneficial through teenage years, it can also backfire. A friend-mom may avoid confronting or punishing a child because she wants to maintain the friendship. The mother may also discourage the teenager from having friends their own age, taking risks and experiencing new things. In other words, the mother may think she can be "the everything" to her child once again.

Let them make mistakes

In order to grow into an adult, your child must develop confidence, independence and responsibility, and they must make some mistakes on their own and suffer the consequences. If a mother is too much of a friend, a teenager may not have the opportunity to experience such growth.

You need to achieve a balance. Let your children know that they can always come to you with any problem, question or situation and you will listen with open ears and an open heart. But also let them know that your first and final role in their lives is as their mother, not their friend. If they break rules, they will suffer the consequences.

You will continue to provide your children with structure, discipline and stability until they reach adulthood. And though there may be many disagreements and challenges along the way, balancing the roles of mother and friend to your children will help them develop into healthy, happy and productive adults.

More about friendship

• Being there for a friend in need
• 50 qualities that women look for in a friend
• How to be a great friend