Deciding To Go
For Number Three

Having the first baby was a simple decision for us. For the second baby, the decision was a little more complicated. We had to consider if we were ready for a second and if we could afford another child -- both in terms of emotional support and financial means. However, deciding to have a third child comes with even more considerations.

Three siblings

Thinking about having a third child? A lot of people these days stop at one or two due to finances and other concerns, but some still want the big story book family. I certainly do.

It happens to me almost every year -- aside from the ones where I was actually pregnant. The summer air hits me in just the right way and I start thinking baby, baby, baby . . . June was the month I convinced my husband that we should have both of our children. And now, June is the month I am thinking about trying to convince him to have number three. But, are we ready for number three?

This time, the stakes are higher. I have no doubt that we could love another baby as much as the first two. However the financial aspect of having a third child is pretty big. And on another level, it keeps us in the young child years longer -- something that worries my husband.

Money

Having a third child tips the scales on the job situation for one parent. With one, it's usually pretty easy to have two working parents. With two, it becomes harder. With three, it's downright costly -- and sometimes too much so.

A third baby may mean that a family needs to survive on one income or one parent needs to work at home. Can your career handle that?

Stress

Children are stressful. When they hit the troublesome terrible two's or three's, they are a big challenge to control and teach to do the right thing. And each time you have another baby, that means a few more years of phrases like "No, nothing goes in your mouth but food" and "Don't pull the dog's tail!"

One of my husband's chief concerns about having a third child two years apart from our second is that we will be essentially milling children. I don't agree, but do see his point. Our first two are two years apart. Having our third child two years apart from our second will mean being in diapers for more than seven years without a break. Not to mention the potential for having three in diapers at least part-time all at once. Eek!

Space

Space is at a premium in our house. Having a third would put a greater stress on the need to find more room for our expanding family. Already, our children are supposed to share a small room, however my daughter sleeps with us at the present. A third child would mean that my daughter would move to her room with her brother and the baby would have to room in with my husband and I until we found a space solution.

Could we handle more time bunking with a baby?

Is another in the cards?

So far, we've decided to wait on number three. There are a lot of reasons not to have another at this point. But in a few years, that decision might be less complicated.

More about having another baby

Another baby? Maybe!
How much does it really cost to raise a child?
Ready to have another baby?

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Comments

Comments on "Thinking about having a third baby?"

catherine February 03, 2014 | 1:17 AM

wow!!!i was reading your comments and i said to myself where did these beautiful women come from!!i have 2 kids oldest 6 amd young is 3 now.i didn't want a baby after my 2nd child but after convincing from my hubby,i am now the one who has been bothering him for a baby.surprisingly he agrees with me that it's time.my friends have been saying it's time for me and i think it is.i am so excited and pray that if it's Gods will for me to have a baby this year,it shall be done.May God bless you and favour you all!!!!

victoriat September 20, 2013 | 7:30 AM

i have two beautiful healthy boys 5 and 3, 18 months apart. I have been literally yearning for a third child for almost a year. I totally understand my husbands reservations his main concerfn being that we have no family support nearby whatsoever as we live away from our immediate familys and that wa tough with the first two. but I fell like we know what to expect noew and whatever comes we also know there is an end to that horrible sleep deprived, no life outside of the house phase. it passes so quickly. anyway im just putting it in gods hands at this stage and hoping theres another baby for us! never ceases to amaze me how complicated EVERYTHING in adult life turned out to be!!

rebecca January 12, 2013 | 12:12 PM

@ Cristie, grieving a loss was exactly how i felt! realizing that i would never get to experience giving birth again mad eme cry for days. i am 28 and have 2 boys 15 months apart (planned). things have not been easy though... my 1st is still 4 months from turning 4 and he is already in his 4th house (not including me moving across counrty 5 months pregnant). we moved again when i was 8 months pregnant and twice again since then. i also got ppd. i want a 3rd so much sometimes, but with my husband being gone 11 out of the next 15 months and another mom coming shortly after, i have to ask my self am i crazy? the money isnt an issue (we live really cheaply) it just that i always had an idea of my life and the sad part is, it doesnt fit our reality. with the stress we have, i just want to get out of diapers on move on to the more fun activies of having kids. i guess the hardest part is letting go of what i always wanted. i thought i might be pregnant last month and got excited. said to my self "no turning back, lets do this! i cant wait to meet the little one!" and when i found out i wasnt, i was sad, not relieved. my boys are healthy and i was lucky to come through my ppd with little medication and less than a year. i have friends that werent so lucky... it is hard seeing online all the girls i went to high school getting pregnant. i have to find peace with it. my twin is starting to try in a year and my older borther shouldnt be much further off, i hope i can get my jolies from that.

baby 3? December 26, 2011 | 3:51 PM

I have two precious kids a boy 3 and a girl 18 months, I am feeling like I want another baby. I ask myself is this to much, I can't backout once its done. The car size scares me everything else not so much. My husband and I have talk 3 kids before, oh I just don't no. I am sure feeling this baby fever.

helen August 16, 2011 | 1:47 PM

I really struggled with the decision to have a third. We tried for a year and nothing and then gave up and then four months later I found myself pregnant. I had a lot of anxiety when I found out based on money mostly but also time. I felt (and still) worry about having enough time for the older two (who will be 5 and 3.5 when the baby is born). I am so happy to hear positive stories. I feel sometimes very alone as literally all my friends stopped at two.

Silly Silly July 08, 2011 | 4:12 PM

Okay, I have a girl 7, boy 5 and a new little lovely girl of 3 months. After the second I have always thought to myself that I would love to have a third. I never would mention to my husband a wish for a third since I knew the answer would be no. When my mother passed away less than two years ago the bug of having a third child hit like a ton of bricks. I YEAREN for that full feeling and the desire of a baby. Seeing pregnant woman I would wish it were me. Then one night we did it, and 9.5 months later we had number 3. I know I now what it feels like to be complete. I feel as if things are done and our family it complete. I do think that I should have gone for one earlier, but the older ones HELP SO MUCH! It is sooo easy for me. Sure, we have a small home and finances are tight, but the feeling of being full and at peace is very much worth it. My mom is in heaven, but she sent us a little bundle of joy to make missing her easier.

Tonya February 22, 2011 | 9:28 PM

to Lisa: not true, I have a 12 year old son, 3.5 year old son and a daughter due in 4 months. Our 12 year old adores his younger brother and can't wait for his sister to be born.

Abigail February 06, 2011 | 3:11 AM

Who can afford to get married? To have child #1? It is very expensive but we want it badly enough and some how it works out. I have a large family and most women that I meet that are past the childbearing years, tell me how they regret not having had more kids. Yes it is HARD work but we have the love to give and are making the world a better place, one child at a time.

Lisa January 28, 2011 | 8:47 AM

Better to have them closer in age so they are friends growing up. Too far apart and older siblings won't spend time with younger ones.

Stephanie Elliot January 13, 2011 | 9:37 PM

I had a boy and then 18 monhts later had my daughter. When we decided to have a third, it was a no-brainer. He is 9 now. I tell him so often, "We didn't have to have you, we already had the perfect family--a boy and a girl. We wanted another baby so bad, we wanted YOU!" I love telling him that. I love having three children. I feel so blessed. If you're waiting until you can afford a third, don't wait, just do it now. And if you think you don't have room in the house -- kids can share rooms. If you feel like you want another child, do it while you still have the energy! I don't regret a moment of it. My kids are 9, 11 and 13, and if I had thought about it more when my Luke was 2, I probably would have had one more!

louise April 11, 2010 | 3:51 PM

so very glad its not just me!my boy is nearly 10,my girl is 3 and i love them with every ounce of my being,could i really love that much again?how would my 2 feel about number 3?,can we afford it?,will it affect our marriage?scary questions but the need for another baby is so intense!doesnt help that EVERYONE in the world seems 2 b pregnant at the moment.at 32 i have a few years 2 convince my husband and children,i guess once its done theres no going back.grateful 2 b able 2 let out these feelings and not seem crazy!heres hoping we all get our answers,many thanks:-)x

Jennifer February 07, 2010 | 4:28 AM

I have two sons, my oldest four and my youngest 10 months. I know in my heart that I want another baby. I was an only child with three half siblings that I am not close too. I always wanted a sibling and I am at heart a big family kind of girl. Of course when it comes to money it changes everything. However, I am a preschool teacher and all the girls I work with have three or moreand they said they wouldn't change it for the world. Does it change money, yes of course. But let me ask you this, as a mother would you ever wish that baby was not her and as all mothers do we find ways to make it work. No, you might not be able to eat out as much and the kids might have to pick one activity to be in and not three. But really is eating our more imporant than giving life to your family. My husband and I do not have a lot of money but my children have everything. Parker is in gymnastics and wee sports and the local YMCA. The baby will start swimming this summer. It always can work out it just might take some work. So if you are a good mother and love to be a mother and are bring up well rounded, well educated children have another one:)

Cristie January 28, 2010 | 5:11 PM

It's so nice to read this and not feel so alone. I have a 4 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter. When I was pregnant with my second I would have said, no way to another! I was finished and as far as I was concerned my family was complete. Shortly after she was born though I felt this sadness and loss in my heart. I was broken by the thought of never having another baby. How could I be grieving a loss that hadn't even happened yet. It seems to be getting worse and worse these days, and maybe because it is that time of the year when I conceived her or maybe its because everyday I realize how difficult it is to be a parent and how much work I do everyday. I think all the time about the changes having a third baby would make. Bigger car, bigger house, more money to travel, more money to put away for university. It's crazy! Also the big thing is one income, finances play such a major part in this. I have realized though that I deserve to follow my heart. If a baby is meant to be it will be. I also realize that we aren't even going to talk about it until she turns 2 this October. Then it could be a year until we actually have another munchkin so really a lot can change in 2 years:) All the best to you and your families and hopefully all our dreams can come true.

Melanie January 13, 2010 | 8:54 AM

Sounds strikingly familiar. I have two boys, 3 and 1. Oldest was born in early November of 2006, and my youngest was born early October of 2008. And here it is January, about the same time I conceived both of my sons give or take a few weeks, and I cannot for the life of my shake this desire for another baby. Cannot. I'm not gonna lie, I've been thinking about it shortly after my youngest was born, but knew that would be way to much. I, like yourself have both boys sharing a room. We do however have a playroom, we could convert into the boys' bedroom on the main floor, and use their room for the baby. However there would be expenses in doing that. I keep asking myself do I really want to go through another LONG pregnancy again? I'm still contemplating. But feeling a strong desire to go with my heart, as so many people tell me. Who knows what the future will hold. Good luck to you and your family!

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