Tips for Parents: Talkin' With Teenagers

To a teen, for example, being asked a direct question - or too many questions - may seem like an interrogation, he said.

Talking about your own experiences during a day may, however, prompt a teen to open up and talk about something he or she has done during the day, said Smith, who offered tips to help parents talk with their teenagers:

• Set aside pre-conceived notions about what a teenager should - or shouldn't - do.

• Think about where the child is developmentally. His body is changing, and so is he.

• Try to understand what your child's life is like. Rather than criticize music she listens to, ask her to pick out a favorite selection from her music and listen to it together. The goal is to begin understanding - and appreciating - your child's world.

As a child grows into adulthood, his or her relationship with parents typically evolves, with parents becoming more of a sounding board, rather than the decision-makers. The parent-child relationship is still there and still respectful, but different, Smith said.

Saying that isn't the same as saying that parents shouldn't say "no," and this is where being able to talk about daily life can make it easier to talk about tough issues, he said.

Allowing the child to move toward independence, even if it means that he will make some mistakes along the way, is typically a challenge for parents. A child's messy room may annoy parents, but isn't likely to be an issue when compared with driving a car at excessive speeds or attending a teenage drinking party.

If, however, parents can maintain an even keel and talk frankly about the issues with the child, he or she may make different choices, Smith said. If a teen knows that she can upset a parent, it puts her in position of power.

"Expect your teenagers to test you as their parents. It's a sign they are growing and developing, and that's the goal," Smith said.