My wife is about to give birth and, aside from my excitement about the arrival of our third child, I'm thinking about the future of my life in the bedroom. Having been through two other post-partum periods, I'm experienced with my wife's need to physically heal and deal with the demands of infant care and feeding. I'm a veteran of the important process of emotionally recovering from carrying the child and adjusting to the level of unselfishness required of motherhood.
Now, I'm also aware that I should give up much of myself to help nurture and feed the baby while juggling the management of the older kids. I've done it and will willingly do it again. I'm a team player and I do love bonding with my babies. But I'm in a near state of panic about losing my nookie for the foreseeable future.
I can hear the groans (no pun intended -- well, maybe it's intended) from the women out there who are already anticipating the whining about a guy's physical needs. Married ladies -- in fact, much of the female population -- are veterans of lines like, "Baby, I can't help if I need it more often than you;" or "Really, it will only take a few minutes;" and "I can't help wanting it 'cause you're one hot mama."
In truth, though, I know that following the baby's birth, I will survive the first six to eight weeks without much contact. But what will happen to my bedroom life for the next year and beyond? Plenty of women's magazines and parenting publications provide insight from the female viewpoint. Now, it's a man's turn.
Without further foreplay, here are a few suggestions for guys who want a fair share of intimacy with the mother of their children.
Beat the stress factor
So, here's a magical trick: communicate. Don't just jump her as soon as the kids go to sleep for the night. Call her in the middle of the day and tell her you love her and her body. Kiss her neck before you sit down to dinner. Then, before you watch TV, do bills or slog through more work, try slightly more intense overtures to get things going. Once it gets past 9 pm or so, your chances are pretty slim. Exhaustion saps the energy of just about anyone, especially an overworked mom. So, start earlier if you want to get in before the shop closes for the night.
Actually, after working and wrangling children, your wife may look at you like a stranger. To keep yourself in her recent memory -- aside from being a serious partner in child-rearing -- try calling her two to three times in a given day, especially a day you're hoping to end rolling around in the sheets. The advice to talk more is really applicable to anything in your relationship, but it truly works here.
When you talk, cover the kid category as usual, but also mix in some grown-up stuff -- about movies, current events, how good she looked when you left the house -- all the things you used to chat about when you were dating. In this way, you earn your way back into her romantic graces.
Keep a calendar
While the calendar may seem business-like, you can have fun with the concept. Make sure that you call your wife to confirm the appointment -- twice. Perhaps you can even be sure you both understand the "meeting agenda" (phone foreplay can never be underestimated). If, for some reason, the appointment needs rescheduling, consider a makeup that doesn't cancel out your next appointment. The benefit of calendar booking is the assurance of regular intimacy.
Get it any way you can
Hopefully, these suggestions provide guys -- and the women involved in the equation -- with ways to not only get more physically active, but receive all the benefits of increased intimacy. As much as men like to pretend that all they care about is the big climax, there are a lot of married guys who simply want to keep the relationship communication and spark burning bright.