Play dates for parents: Why a support network is vital, and how to find one

The need for support

One summer day, my car sputtered and rolled to a stop with my six-month-old and me inside. So I moved it to the shoulder, called a tow truck and began to walk. That was the day I pushed my daughter in a rickety second-hand stroller nine miles to my mother's support group. I hadn't packed a lunch and the trail snaked deep through an alpine forest -- far from any McDonald's -- so I raided my child's bag of Cheerios and graham crackers along the way.

When I finally arrived, we traded stories about the barbs we would endure to come together each week. A support network of other mothers provides a forum for us to compare notes, share ideas and vent frustration.

Monica Jones is a stay-at-home mother of two. She says, "Talking to others in similar situations helped me to realize it's okay to feel frazzled, and I shouldn't feel guilty for needing time for myself."

The moms in your group could become your best friends throughout your child's life. The group also allows your children to socialize if they are not accustomed to a group setting, such as day care. Some groups may allow you to keep your professional skills sharp as well -- or to serve the community through volunteer work.

Finding an existing group

Check out local websites and newspapers for local groups, or contact national organizations, which may have local chapters in your area. Your local librarian, pediatrician or social services office may know about an existing group of moms with children in similar age ranges.

Silvia Brugge is a stay-at-home mother of three. She relies on the support of a diverse network of friends. "I think it's important to surround yourself with people who have kids around the same age as your own," she says. "I also think it's important to be with other friends whose children are older. I've learned so much from my more experienced friends."

Forming a new group

If a suitable group doesn't exist in your area, consider starting one of your own.

Place an ad on a local website or in your local newspaper describing yourself as a mother of young children looking to start a playgroup or mom's support group. Once you have more than one recruit, it becomes easier. Word of mouth travels fast, and there may be more home-based moms in your area than you realize.

The best places to find people like you are the places you already frequent. Post notices in your church or synagogue, grocery store and post office. Most groups meet once each week for two to three hours. If each mother is a regular, you might want to keep your group at four to five moms. Limiting the number of moms can help assure that you know them and their parenting styles. If one mother has an especially divergent parenting philosophy, she may not be a good match for your group.

Look into securing a public meeting spaces, or simply rotate hosting duties, each week meeting in another member's home. Enjoy your new friendships, which can help you more fully enjoy motherhood!

More on play dates

Secrets of a successful play date
How to make successful play dates for your baby and toddler
How to steer clear of a bad play date