Kids with special needs: Dealing with teasing

They know and accept that it might happen to their child; however, they may not know how often it will happen or what form it will take. These parents often ask, "Will she be called names? Will jokes be played on her? Will she be laughed at? Will someone hit her?" It's not only the possibility of teasing that is frightening, but also whether or not they have the ability to help their child deal with it. "How will I know when to say something? How will I know what the right words are to comfort her? When should I help her out?"

Why kids tease
I believe children tease because they lack self-esteem, and teasing someone makes them feel superior. Children may tease to amuse their friends and to make their friends laugh. From what I have seen, a bully usually teases only when his or her friends are around. Usually the person who gets teased is different in some aspect. He or she wears different clothes than everyone else, has a birth defect, or may be poor or stutters. Also, I believe people who appear shy or lack confidence get picked on.

The best way to deal with teasing is for the parents and child to be positive and direct.

1. Depending on your child's age, and how she feels, the teacher or you can give a presentation about your child's special needs. Many people feel if a presentation is given, the child's classmates are less likely to tease because they are informed. It gives the classmates a chance to ask all the questions they want, and to express their curiosity or fears about what they don't know about the subject.

2. Depending on your child's age, meet with your child's school principal and teacher, and discuss how the school handles teasing. Let them know when they should notify you if it happens to your child.

3. Practice what you might say to your child in a number of situations. For example, what will you say to your child if she tells you she was pushed and called an ugly name?

4. Talk to other parents of children with the same special needs as your child and who have experience with teasing.

5. Read books about teasing. Look for them at your local library or Amazon.com.

6. Contact organizations that have material on teasing and who can provide support. I was given a tape produced by The War Amps. The actresses and actors in the tape are puppets who have to deal with questions everyday from classmates at school and in the schoolyard. The video teaches young amputees how to handle difficult situations.

7. If your child does get teased, ensure she understands that there's nothing wrong with her and discuss why kids tease.

8. Ask your child how she wants to approach teasing. Work out a plan with your child to decide when Mom or Dad and/or the school officials should be involved.

9. Seek counseling for your child or yourself. Don't feel embarrassed if you need to ask for help. 10. Allow yourself to cry. Crying is a good way of releasing negative energy.

Teasing can be very painful to the child and the parents. There are many solutions and each child and her parents will handle teasing differently. I believe the most important things to keep in mind is that you'll realize what solutions are best for you and your child, and that your parenting instincts will guide you.