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What I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving: Parent edition

Wendi Aarons is an award-winning humor writer who just can’t bring herself to write another bio. Just know that she’s a mother of two from Austin, Texas and she agrees with all of your parenting choices.

I'm too blessed to be stressed

While I’m beyond thankful that I am the mother to two wonderful boys, I’m also thankful about certain aspects of parenting that don’t fall into the “children are a blessing” category. Here are just a few.

1. I’m thankful that I’m super-close to losing all of my baby fat. If I continue to work out, watch my diet and stay on track, I’ll hit my goal weight just days before my son’s 16th birthday.

2. I’m thankful that I no longer have to choose between breast and bottle, and can instead feed my kids dinner with $10 in coins and a vending machine.

3. I’m thankful that whenever I feel sad because my kids are no longer little, I can go to Target and watch a smelly toddler throw a fit in the LEGO aisle.

4. I’m thankful that my kids realized at the age of six that I was too dumb to help them with their math homework for the rest of their school careers.

5. I’m thankful that I can always get my kids’ attention by talking on the phone, taking a shower or standing in my closet trying to wrestle off a sports bra.

6. I’m thankful that our pediatrician didn’t believe my son when he told her, “Sometimes when I get hurt, my mom is too busy checking Facebook to stop my bleeding.”

7. I’m thankful that Instagram wasn’t around when my kids were going through their “naked light saber battle” phase.

8. I’m thankful for the other mother in the bleachers who mutters, “Shut up, jackass” under her breath when a sports dad is screaming at his kid.

9. I’m thankful that whenever I get asked to volunteer at school, I can just say, “Google me,” and I never get asked again.

10. I’m thankful that I can answer the questions, “Is there any chance you may be pregnant?” with two words, and one of them starts with an F.

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