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Here's what your kids are really learning about bullying in school

Stephanie Jade Wong is an editorial intern at SheKnows and a Newhouse arts journalism graduate student at Syracuse University. She’s a Life & Style lead producer for The NewsHouse and runs a fashion, beauty and lifestyle blog. Wong is a ...

Are kids really learning to not bully? We asked them

You expect that your kids will learn about subjects like reading, writing, math and science in schools, but what about bullying? In what class would it be taught? And are students being properly educated about it?

Perhaps it's not something that's often thought about, but it should be, especially when 64 percent of children who are bullied don't report it. Being bullied doesn't just make a child feel bad about themselves — it has also been linked to an "increased risk for poor school adjustment, sleep difficulties, anxiety and depression," according to the CDC. And don't forget: Bullying doesn't just happen on the playground or in the hallways, but online too. In fact, 90 percent of teens who have been cyberbullied said they've been bullied offline too.

More: If your kid's a bully, get ready to pay huge fines

Despite the statistics, students should be educated about bullying at a young age. The question is, are they? The Every Student Succeeds Act and the No Child Left Behind Act focus on equal opportunities for students, which is important, but there is no act in place that fights for anti-bullying enforcement on school campuses.

We asked 13 kids who are currently in or recently graduated from high school in various states what they've been taught about bullying. It turn out the answers vary pretty wildly, but the kids we asked did know what bullying is:

“I’ve learned that bullying also comes from the bully's family background. Usually they do this as a result of having bad parents, family upbringing or family stress." — New York female, graduated high school in 2015

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“Bullying affects others and lowers their confidence, which would make them feel unhappy about themselves as a person, whether it's physically or mentally. It could also lead to depression, self-harm and much darker places.” — California male, current junior in high school

"Bullying was defined to us as the repeated abuse of a person(s) by a bigger, more insecure or even more popular person. Verbal, physical and online abuse all fall under the category of ‘bullying,' as long as it is repeated. The repetitious aspect is always stressed, as there is a difference between bullying and just simply being mean." — New York female, current sophomore in high school

But just because they know what it is doesn't mean kids recognize bullying. We were surprised to learn that some students thought bullying didn't exist at their school — despite statistics that would point to the opposite. We were perhaps even more shocked when we realized that some students think bullying is a normal part of life.

“Bullying wasn't really taught, at least at my school. Maybe because it didn't exist due to the diverse cultures and ethnicities, or maybe because I never noticed it.” — California male, graduated high school in 2015

"I don't see bullying in my school, and maybe it's because Olweus [a bullying prevention program] has helped, or maybe I'm just not around those people." — New York female, current sophomore in high school

What students haven’t learned

So where's the disconnect between the numbers and the kids? It seems it's all in the way it's being taught... if at all. We found that a number of students who learn about bullying either don’t find it engaging or are learning about it only after an incident:

“It wasn't until a girl a few grades below me was arrested for cyberbullying that we were given an assembly about the different ways to bully, what constitutes bullying and consequences for bullying. Now they hold the assembly every year.” — New York female, graduated high school in 2014

“Some of [the information] was helpful for the beginning, since I was only in fifth grade and was completely oblivious to bullying. But I think by eighth grade it was very repetitive. It became more of a recital than what is supposed to be an informing and engaging experience." — California female, current senior in high school

More: Dad faces police investigation for confronting his kids' bullies

"I don't think schools are doing enough. As an education minor, we learn that teaching kids tolerance isn't enough. To live a happy, healthy existence, people don't want to just be 'tolerated.' They want to be accepted and understood for who they are. I think that in order to improve this, we need to make time to make social justice topics a part of our lessons in school. Issues such as gender, sexual orientation, race and just acceptance in general need to be taught in schools from a fairly young age. This is often restricted because of conflicting ideals about things such as homosexuality. Teachers/schools are often uncomfortable teaching kids these things because they fear being reprimanded by parents that may not agree. But kids don't just have proper social skills — they have to learn them, and if their parents aren't teaching them these skills, then they should be a part of the K-12 curriculum." — Wisconsin female, graduated high school in 2015 

“I think [schools should’ve talked about bullying] more and insisted it more during middle school and maybe the first year of high school. The approach should have been more cautious and serious.” — California male, graduated high school in 2015 

“Many times, teachers do not want to get involved in student affairs, so they neglect to recognize bullying as it happens. Teachers and administration need to be taught to recognize bullying even in indirect forms and have the ability to stop it as it happens." — North Carolina female, current senior in high school

“I don't think bullying programs helped at all. The schools should make programs to help ease kids into the fact that in their life, yes, someone will slander their name to other people, and that is just how life is.” — California female, graduated high school in 2015 

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