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18 ways people can tell you have kids… even when there's no kid in sight

Megan is a former divorce attorney turned SAHM to twin boys. She's written for The Stir, Scary Mommy, Rare.us, Mommyish and Bustle.

How to spot a mom from a mile away

You can't always tell what a book is about just by looking at its cover, but you can spot a mom from a mile away — even when she's not pushing a stroller or trying to persuade a kid to eat something green that isn't candy. 

 

If you're a mom who's lucky enough to be out running errands on your own, you may think your secret identity is safe and that you blend in easily among the non-parents in your midst. But these clues are a dead giveaway to everyone you meet that you answer to the name "Mommy."

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1. Your purse makes Mary Poppins' carpetbag look like a clutch.

2. When you see a child having a tantrum, you offer a sympathetic smile instead of a frown.

3. If you see someone with food on your face, you tell them, and you may even try to swipe it off yourself.

4. You have a vague but unidentifiable stain on your shoulders from your baby's last feeding.

5. You carry Purell on your key chain.

6. You instinctively turn your head toward the sound of a baby crying.

7. While waiting in line at the checkout, you absentmindedly rock and sway a gallon of milk in your arms.

8. Your ringtone is "Old McDonald."

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9. You always have snacks on hand.

10. You announce to anyone within earshot when you're going to the potty.

11. The people at the next table overheard you declare your cheesecake to be, "Yum, yum, yummy in my tum, tum, tummy. "

12. Your go-to curse word is "Fiddlesticks."

13. You make that macaroni necklace look good.

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14. You narrate your actions step by step like there's someone watching: "Now I'm going to wash my hands. Now I'm going to dry my hands."

15. If someone offers you a piece of chocolate, not only can you eat it without moving your mouth, but they'll always wonder how you made the wrapper magically vanish.

16. You order your latte with an extra shot.

17. You can't let a firetruck pass without exclaiming, "Oh look, a firetruck!"

18. If someone's hogging the only bathroom stall at a restaurant, you say, "I'm going to count to three," instead of, "I'm getting the manager."

How to spot a mom from a mile away
Image: Design: Terese Condella/SheKnows; Image: Getty Images
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