Moms of boys, and especially moms of all boys, know that there’s something kind of strange that happens when testosterone fills a house. It should be said that boys come in all shapes and sizes with many different styles and preferences, but most moms agree that it can be comically unique to watch a boyhood unfold before your eyes.
Of course, not all little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails,” and plenty of little dudes play with dolls too. But if you’re a mom of boys, you’ve probably sensed a running theme, and you've probably said one of these little-boy catchphrases more than once. (Moms of girls, we know you've said some of these a few times too!)
1. Is anything broken or bleeding? Then you’re fine.
2. I know you can pee outside, but you still can’t do it in the front yard!
3. Yes, you have to wear pants to school. Everyone has to wear pants to school and to work. All. The. Time.
4. Yes, you do have to shower every day. Everyone else has to do that every day too.
5. You don’t have to tell everyone when you fart.
6. Don’t play with your poop. In fact, leave everything in the toilet where you found it.
7. Remember, point it at the toilet so your pee doesn't hit the wall.
8. You both cannot use the toilet at the same time. I don't care if one of you is sitting down.
9. Who left the toilet seat up and didn't flush?
10. Are those leaves in your pocket?
11. Do not bring that inside! Okay, fine. Just make sure not to kill it.
12. You want thirds?
13. You just ate; how can you possibly be hungry?
14. Please don't use your shirt as a napkin.
15. Please don't talk about poop at the dinner table.
16. Please don't grab your penis in public.
17. Please stop hoarding the baby food jars, collecting spiders and then having spider fight club in the jars.
18. Peeing on somebody else isn't funny (and it never will be).
19. Hats do not go on your penis. They go on your head.
20. No, you can't use an egg as a baseball.
21. Get your fingers out of your nose.
22. Get your hands out of your pants.
23. Get your hands out of your brother's pants.
24. Do not blow your nose on the dog.
25. Do not put that in your butt.
26. Tie your shoe!
27. Pick up your smelly socks!
28. How come I keep finding your socks stuffed under things?
29. No, you can't keep extra food under your bed for later.
30. Can you please stop jumping on your sister?
31. No, I don't want you two to play the punch-me-in-the-face game.
32. You have to stop wrestling when someone starts crying — that's the rule.
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