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Parents can now opt their kids out of classes involving Muslims

Bryanne is a freelance writer who lives in Southern California with her active-duty husband and their two teenage sons. She is a passionate human-rights activist and cultural enthusiast. In between writing and family life, Bryanne spends...

School gives kids the chance to ignore lesson on Islam

Wapakoneta Middle School has taken the first step toward a truly curated education for its students by allowing parents to decide whether or not their children will take part in a segment of Ohio State’s social studies curriculum that focuses on the advancements made in late antiquity by Islamic civilization.

The Islam lesson, which does not require students to believe in Allah or practice the Five Pillars of Islam, instead focuses on accomplishments that continue to influence human society and knowledge today. Islamic contributions to the whole of humanity include such threatening subjects as algebra, geometry and even surgery, to name a few.

Parents of this small community now have the right to opt their child out of this lesson plan because, you know, terrorists and stuff.

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Other notable Islamic inventions, such as toothbrushes and hospitals, are rumored to be up for debate at the next Wapakoneta City Hall meeting, where constituents of Auglaize County will demand their red-blooded American families have alternative means to clean their teeth and receive medical care that doesn’t encourage ISIS to take root in their communities.

The seventh-grade students who do partake of this obviously pro-Muslim lesson plan and their families who did not prevent it will be eyed with suspicion by residents who know what’s really going on in our country.

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In November, Donald Trump reminded Ohio voters that ISIS is actively recruiting our kids and that we must remain vigilant to the threat. Wapakoneta residents who drove the 89 miles to hear Trump speak at the Greater Columbus Convention Center took his message as gospel and plan to do all they can to keep their 94.4 percent all white community safe from foreign invaders.

“It’s important to keep our way of life,” an unnamed resident may have once said. “Our forefathers built this town by destroying the Native American community, which thrived here for thousands of years prior to settlement. We have to keep our legacy alive by protecting what is rightfully ours. That means none of that PC pro-Islam nonsense.”

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Other subjects, like science and art, which have been heavily influenced by non-Christian civilizations throughout history, may later be optional as well.

“Education should be like a buffet dinner at Golden Corral,” the school superintendent could have said. “You go in hungry but grab only what you really want, like the fried chicken and desserts. That way you don’t waste your appetite on stuff no one cares about, like salad or broccoli. We would never force anyone to eat things they don’t like, would we? Well, I figure that no one should be forced to learn what they don’t want to learn either. It’s nothing more than common sense and common courtesy, something our country could use more of, I reckon.”

Editor's note: Although the Wapakoneta Middle School opt-out is all too real, the majority of this post is satire... and a look at what might happen if we give our kids the options of picking and choosing what they want to learn about.

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