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12 Thoughts you will have on your first night out away from the baby (GIFs)

Elizabeth Licata is an editor, writer, and expat. She lives in Germany with a nice view of a castle, but misses American-style bacon more than her own mom.

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby

We try to be on our best behavior around babies, so we find ourselves doing alien things like saying "Oh Fudgsicles!" and not spending too much time watching Hannibal.

But on the first day out without the baby, suddenly you can do whatever you want again! You are yourself again. Here are some thoughts that will probably go through your head on your first night out without the baby:

More: 6 Secrets from a nanny who makes $75,000 a year

1. Holy shit, I can say “shit” again!

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

Just wait until all those grown-up words are gone for good and you find yourself at a sporting event uttering alien phrases like, “Oh my goodness, that is the effing worst!”

2. Is it OK if I order a cocktail? Is it OK if I order 12 cocktails?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

The answer to this question is between you and your babysitter.

More: My daughter won't wear pink today and here's why you can't make her

3. Is my shirt inside-out?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

Spoiler alert: Your shirt is totally inside out.

4. Finally I can let my hair down, literally!

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

Babies like nothing more than pulling on hair, so unless you get that pixie cut, you’ll be wearing buns and ponytails in your child’s presence until he or she is 14.

5. How long before I can put my hair back up?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

Once you get used to that ponytail, it’s hard to wear it down again for any amount of time. All those shiny tendrils are just going to get in the way of your eating and drinking.

More: 10 Weird things that only parents understand (GIFs)

6. Is that baby food on my clothes?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

You’d better hope that’s just baby food on your clothes.

7. All my dancing is mom dancing now.

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

Before the baby you had moves like Jagger. Now everything you do looks designed to embarrass a teenager in 14 years.

8. Do I really have to go do something exciting?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

I know you have tickets to the opera, but if you want to just throw the tickets away and go drink wine and play on your phone, I will not tell anybody.

More: 10 Parenting truths moms know all too well

9. How much does a nanny cost, anyway?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

It really seems like you should be able to train a friendly St. Bernard to take care of your children like in Peter Pan.

10. Did I just spend my whole free night off watching videos of my kid on my phone?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

We've all been there.

11. Maybe I should have gotten a hotel room.

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

It would be naughty, like in high school. But less so because you're like a million years old.

12. Do I really have to go home now?

Here's what really happens on your first night away from your baby
Image: Giphy

Can't I stay out forever?

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