Stagliano had two really exciting announcements to make on Saturday, so she headed to Instagram to get the job done.
"Hey, guys," a beaming Stagliano begins, "couple of secrets! I will be the spokesperson for Gabriel Cosmetics, an organic lifestyle brand!"
Yay! Congratulations! I was totally on board with the announcement, until Stagliano upped the element of bonkers by a factor of a million.
"And," she shouts at her fans, "Steven and I are excited to announce that we're having a baby boy!" Then, without skipping a beat, Stagliano finishes plugging her new cosmetics deal: "Follow Gabriel Cosmetics as they're doing a giveaway."
Just check this thing out:
To enter the giveaway, you must be following @gabrielcosmetic & @DeAnnaStag . Please tag 3 of your favorite mommy's that you know and tell us WHY they deserve goodies from Gabriel Cosmetics. We will choose a winner in 1 week and will announce it on Gabriel Cosmetics Instagram account! Good luck! Xoxo DeAnna & Gabriel Cosmetics #Repost @gabrielcosmetic with @repostapp. ・・・ Mommy Giveaway honoring all the Mommy's! #ItsABoy #BabyStag2
And that's it. That's the whole thing. The entire thing is so frenetic and seamless that you might be confused as to whether Gabriel Cosmetics is giving away lipsticks or DeAnna Stagliano's actual baby. I wouldn't blame you, but no, that's not the case.
"Gender reveals" are my least favorite thing about modern pregnancy, although I have to admit that the more I attend, the less I hate them. You have to do them right, though, or they are grating and annoying and yeah — sorry — pretty tacky. I've been to really sweet, tasteful ones, and I've been to grotesque, gift-grabbing horror shows that leave me wondering what hormone is responsible for fooling pregnant women into thinking that anyone cares about fetal genitalia.
This definitely falls into the second category, although it's less gift-grabby and more "Hey everybody, look at me! I made a baby, and my baby has genitals! Man, talk about everyday miracles!" I didn't think the concept of announcing your child's junk to the world could be further cheapened, but that just shows you how naive I am.
More and more, I feel like if parents can celebrate something, they will celebrate it, no matter how mundane or boring it is. It is the age of "month birthdays" and "potty-training parties," a never-ending competition that seems to seek to determine whose pregnancy announcement is cutest, who got the most baby shower presents and what gender reveal party is the most clever and unique. It's parenting for an audience, and it makes me glad my kid was born long before this stuff was even on the radar.
When we get to the point that we roll out gender reveal announcements (which in truth, probably just you, your partner and your mom care about) with product plugs and giveaways, then the trend has officially jumped the shark and needs to go away.
Of course, I'm not the boss of anyone or their weird obsession with conflating sex and gender. All I'm saying is, if you're going to do it, why not do it? Why not make two separate Instagram videos and scream out both announcements at an ear-splitting decibel level? If you look at the comments on that video, no one mentions the cosmetics plug anyway, because they're all too busy congratulating DeAnna on her baby's penis.
Then again, maybe that was the point.
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