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32 Things you never thought you'd say as a parent

Monica Beyer is a mom of four and has been writing professionally since 2000, when her first book, Baby Talk, was published. Her main area of interest is attachment parenting and all that goes with it, including breastfeeding, co-sleepin...

What are the strangest things you've said as a parent?

Sometimes, as parents, we can't even believe the strange things that come out of our mouths.

These parents let us in on the weirdest things they've ever said to their offspring, and the answers are varied, bizarre and frankly hilarious. Can you add to the list?

"Play with your penis in the bedroom." - Crystal

"Don't hit your penis with that wooden spoon!" - Stephanie

"Stop touching the dog's penis." - Erin

"Get Batman out of your pants!" - Jenna

"Don't drill your brother." - Sarah

"Do not pull the cicadas apart, they are mating!" - Debi

"Put your penis away, please." - Kelly

"Don't play with that or it will fall off." - Chris

"Get your nose off his butt!" - Valerie

"Get your vulva off my foot." - Kelly

"Stop asking strange people for money." - Brooke

"Please get your nose out of your sister's butt." - Leigh Ann

"I will feed you, just stop eating the cat food." - Crystal

"Okay, lick it once and then leave it alone." - Sarah

"Don't stick your wee-wee in there. It'll get stuck." - Lindsay

"I said, 'Stop licking the doorknob!' Don't make me tell you again!" - Sarah

"Where did your clothes go now?!" - Crystal

"Quit calling your penis a donkey!" - Rachel

"That's not where we poop." - Heather

"Yes, those are Mama's nipples, but let's not get them out to show everyone here at the store." - Sarah

"Don't pee on the wall." - Ashley

"For the millionth time, stop eating chalk!" - Sarah

"Don't touch the dog's butthole." - Crystal

"Guys, 'No sniffing butts' isn't just a trampoline rule. It's kind of like a life rule." - Leigh Ann

"Stop smelling each other's buttholes after you fart." - Cindy

"No, the cat does not have a vulva… because the cat is a boy." - Sarah

"Stop punching each other in the nuts." - Tony

"Your finger does not have to go in your nose just because it fits." - Christy

"Don't lick the dog!" - Crystal

"Stop eating the cats' food." - Kristi

"Stop putting food into your nose!" - Ashley

"Stop feeding your boogers to the dog." - Crystal

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