Case in point? These very real quotes from very real toddlers, courtesy of parents just like you.
1. After spotting a birthmark: "Mom, someone pooped in your armpit." - Author
2. When asked if he had fought at day care again: "No, I simply hit him." - Redditor leveraged_buyout
3. Upon Mom asking her to put on her pajamas: "But I can't stop dancing!" - Redditor Eminentmolecule
4. When she spotted a large man exiting a Mini Cooper: "Ha! Mom, look at that giant man in that tiny car!" - Author
5. In regards to his mother's nipples: "Mama, those look like hotdogs." - Maria M.
6. "Mama, I want to pee outside," says toddler. "Like a dog?" asks Mom. He responds, "No, like Logan." - Redditor BarefootLittleGirl
7. Upon seeing his mother's pubic hair while dressing: "Mama, why is your butt hairy?" - Maria M.
8. "When my daughter was 3 she said a bad word, and her dad said that good girls don't say those things. She responded, 'Well, mama do!'" - Kristen S.
9. When a toddler saw an African American child being disciplined for bad behavior, she said, "You can't do that to him, because he's chocolate and that's my favorite!" - Redditor QuickLookLeft
10. "Mommy, do the worms in Africa know where Seattle is?" - Redditor rumtussle
11. "We gave my toddler a sippy cup to help his ears when our plane took off. As we ascended, he yelled, 'Alright, everyone start drinking!'" - Christy S.
12. Upon receiving a toy screwdriver: "I just want to screw everything!" - Redditor furrylittlebeast
13. Completely unprompted during playtime: "Well, I just want to use this to shoot a baby." - Redditor morgannebee
14. "I have a big belly now — just like Daddy and just like you!" - Redditor kirlysue
15. While drinking orange soda at a family picnic: "Ugh, my beer is warm." - Redditor KennyTheBearded
16. When asked what she was doing with her hands under the table while eating naked, she said: "It's OK, Mommy, I just put a pea in my pocket to save for later." - Redditor TooMuchWeightLoss
17. "Your hair looks like a cinnamon roll. It makes me hungry." - Shaquatta B.
18. "Oh, vagina would be such a pretty name!" - Redditor One_Great_Smile
19. Upon seeing her dad get out of the shower: "Mommy! Daddy got to talk to you! He's got a hotdog!" - Allyson W.
20. While sitting on the toilet: "It's gonna be a big one, Mommy!" - Indra V.
21. "That horsey has a penis, just like Daddy!" - Terra A.
22. "Mom, I pooped a baseball." - Nicole W.
23. While reciting the Pledge of Allegiance: "And to the Publix, where witches stand." - Heather P.
24. "My kid said, 'Howdy, f***ers!' upon making an entrance to an extended family meal. We realized later that he was trying to say, 'Howdy, partners!'" - Sarah B.
25. "Is boys' underwear long so their penis doesn't stick out the bottom and everyone laugh at them?" - Reddit One_Great_Smile
26. In a Whole Foods: "I'm the only one who can touch my penis." - Allison Z.
27. "At bedtime, my toddler said that his tummy didn't feel, so I asked him if he felt like he needed to throw up. He said, 'No, it feels like it needs to get up and watch SpongeBob.'" - Redditor rocketshipotter
28. "Mine likes to shove baby dolls under her shirt and tell me she's going to have a baby. We were at a wine store when she screamed, 'I think the baby's comin', mama!'" - Pauline C.
29. "Thalia always tries to kiss Landon and me because she's a gangsta like Kevin and Logan. Yee-yah." - Redditor Mackie49
30. Upon breaking Mom's sunglasses: "Something is wrong with your glasses." - Redditor audhepcat
31. At parent open house: "My daddy's favorite drink is Jägermeister, but he doesn't like it too much, because he always drinks from little glasses." - Marcy M.
32. While sitting in traffic: "It's a damn parking lot out here!" - Author
33. While walking up and down the aisles of the grocery store: "Get mommy wine, now!" - Redditor Elephant3P0
34. Upon understanding the difference between boys and girls: "Papaw, you have a penis!" - Carrie H.
35. When she stepped out of the shower to put her toddler back to bed: "Mom, are you drying your beard?" - Redditor 2LittleSnuggleBugs
36. "I can fart whenever I want, because I have my own tooshie." - Danielle T.
37. "Babies are full of blood!" - Redditor PumpkinSeed
38. "I don't need to go pee pee — I just did last week!" - Redditor gazos
39. "No, I mean, what if strawberries came out of your butt?" - Danielle T.
40. While watching a younger sibling breastfeed: "Is there chocolate milk in the other one?" - Karen G.
41. While breastfeeding a toddler: "I want to taste the other side." - Danielle T.
42. When reaching the halfway mark of a road trip: "We have to go back home! I forgot my wallet." - Danielle T.
43. Upon bumping her wrist: "Daddy, I hurt my hand-ankle." - Redditor SimonThalmann
44. "Daddy, I want to stick suckers in my butt so I can shoot them everywhere." - Redditor Buckcheeks
45. While looking at her helping of spaghetti and meatballs: "No caca!" - Alexandra R.
46. When discussing childbirth with a toddler: "Spiders in your belly will get your baby out." - Redditor nealesa
47. "Mommy, I want a penis. A pink one." - Karen G.
48. "Yuck, that tastes like crocodile food!" - Danielle T.
49. Upon spotting his mom's cleavage: "Is that a butt?" - Devra G.
50. "I think my ankle cracked, but maybe it was my leg-pit." - Redditor kidisms
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