There's something about the overly happy little face of The Elf on the Shelf that makes parents want to come at him like a spider monkey. What did The Elf ever do to you? Well, besides being unreasonably in demand by kids everywhere at Christmas, not much — except maybe bringing some holiday cheer.
For years, parents have saturated social media with predictable pictures of The Elf on the Shelf hiding, changing locations and performing his holiday rituals: The Elf on the Shelf swinging from the rafters on a candy cane. The Elf on the Shelf waiting slyly in the silverware drawer. The Elf on the Shelf nestled in a comfy bed inside a tissue box. How sweet.
Maybe parents go crazy at Christmas, or maybe some parents were already crazy to begin with. But more than a few parents have found it hilarious to put The Elf in naughty positions after the kids go to bed and post it to social media: The Elf on the Shelf in a scandalous threesome with two Barbies. The Elf on the Shelf hugging a dildo and a glass of wine (no, I am not making this up). The Elf on the Shelf doing body shots off a doll's belly.
Parents inundated with adorable holiday nonsense get cabin fever at Christmas, but that doesn't make this Elf porn any less creepy. The Elf on the Shelf is a kid's toy. It may get you a few laughs and Facebook likes to post a picture of the innocent Elf motor-boating Barbie, but this elaborate setup is just plain weird.
Because The Elf is a holiday icon, parents can get away with these inappropriate, sexy jokes. Yet most of your friends would probably be offended if you posted a picture of Barbie and Ken getting it on any other day of the year.
I'm not a prude, and if you ask people who know me, I have a great and pretty raunchy sense of humor. I'm not above giving dildos as a gag gift or making jokes about threesomes. But try as I might, I just can't find these dirty Elf jokes funny. Leave The Elf on the Shelf and find other adult ways to entertain yourself on Christmas Eve.
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