Just relax, they say. If you do, you'll get pregnant right away, they say. This advice is well-meaning, but it only serves to grate on the nerves of someone who is trying to conceive. Not only does it minimize your experience and feelings, but it implies that you're doing something wrong. Yes, stress can affect your hormones and ovulation, but saying this to a woman who is TTC will just stress her out even more.
These questions and comments these moms received are just as bad, if not completely worse. If any of these have crossed your mind, make sure they stay there.
"But aren't you happy with your two boys?" Heather from Indiana reports that her own grandmother asked her this question when she talked about her plans to try for another baby. "It was like she was simultaneously so insensitive to the fact that we have trouble getting pregnant and insinuating that I in any way felt like my kids weren't 'enough,' or didn't love them 'enough.'"
"If you lay off the Sonic and Snickers, you might actually get pregnant." Niki, who had to endure infertility for many months and required not one but two IVF attempts to become pregnant with her son, had to deal with an asinine co-worker's insensitive remarks during her journey.
"Is it your fault or his that you are having trouble?" This is another unfortunate common question for women who aren't successful right away in their TTC adventures, as Niki unfortunately relates. For one thing, it isn't anyone's business, and for another, asking a woman whose fault it is places blame on someone who isn't really to blame.
"Are you trying for a girl?" Rebecca, who had announced her plans for another baby to a close friend, was irked when it was assumed that she wanted a baby girl — she already had three boys. "While yes, we would have happily welcomed a girl, we simply wanted another baby," she explains. "And I immediately became defensive, as if she was implying we would be unhappy with a boy."
What do you say to someone who has shared this personal news with you? You congratulate them and wish them luck. If they ask for your own experience or insight, particularly if you've gone down the infertility road yourself and they are headed that way, then please share with them. Otherwise, you might keep your questions to yourself.
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