This position is used when you want your partner to go get you McDonald's french fries before you take off your clothes and get busy, because not only are they delicious, but the only thing you've eaten all day is three bites of cold, leftover macaroni and cheese from your toddler's plate while you were scraping it into the garbage can.
The blow job
This is where your partner uses the leaf blower to get all the leaves off the driveway and also cleans out the gutters, so you feel extra appreciative, and you have sex with them.
The crusty crab
This is where you give your kids an extra hour of TV time so you can go upstairs and attempt to have sex without some small person banging on the door every five minutes.
This is where you have sex with your partner because they remembered to take the dog in from the backyard through the back door instead of through the front door because you just finished steam mopping the entryway.
Ode to Joy (dishwashing liquid)
This is where you tell your partner you will have sex with them if they wash the dishes from dinner piling up in your kitchen sink.
The sex position 69 is based on the fact that it takes 69 minutes to take a hot shower and enjoy an episode of The Good Wife while your partner reads your kid Goodnight Moon for the 16th time so you can relax a bit before you have sex.
The dirty kitty
This is where you tell your spouse you will have sex with them if they are the one to change the cat litter, because you have done it for the last three times.
This is where you have sex with your partner because they remembered to remove episodes of Bubble Guppies off the DVR so your Thursday night TV shows have room to record.
This position is used because your spouse took your kid to Daddy and Me or Mommy and Me class so you didn't have to sing that damn "Bear Went over the Mountain" song again or partake in circle time.
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