Sure, holidays are magical through the eyes of a child and watching your kid believe in Santa is delightful, but I'm talking about another depth of holiday fun. Specifically — exploiting your kids for your gain and eating all their candy.
There are 10 surprising benefits to having kids during the holidays.
"Sorry, mom friend, but I can't go to your holiday-themed Scentsy party because my kid has the death plague coming out both ends. You know how it is."
Shove your baby into the arms of your hard-of-hearing Aunt Mildred to avoid a shouting match about the price of green beans these days.
The bait-and-switch goes a little something like this: As soon as a well-meaning relative predictably brings up Obama or airport security, you pinch your son on the leg and politely ask him to count to 10, just like you practiced at home.
Having kids gives you the carte blanche at any holiday gathering — if you're bored, tired, sleepy, irritable or any other emotion you can think of, blame it on your kid and hightail it out of there.
Forget the charm of a young child waiting up for Santa — it's now your job as a parent to eat the cookies and milk left out on Christmas Eve. Take one for the team.
Stuff their stockings full of festive chocolates and eat everything they don't finish as soon as they go to bed. Just like baby Jesus, you're laying down your life to protect your kids from cavities.
Your picky toddler doesn't like turkey and dressing? It's your lucky day. If you haven't caught on yet, the only bonus in your parenting employment package involves eating.
If you've ever needed a good reason to veg out and watch Christmas movies all day long, just chalk it up to educating your kids on the classics.
Don't forget to make a list of all the toys your parents never bought you to buy for your own kid as retribution (ahem, Power Wheels).
Long gone are the days of drinking spiked 'nog into the wee hours. Kids are going to be clawing at your door to open presents at 5 a.m. No one will judge you for tapping out before 9.
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