Buck up! Maybe they won't bring home lice. Maybe it will scabies or pinworms instead. Whatever it is, it'll be super gross.
The good news is that your kids are totally willing to share whatever gnarly communicable disease they bring home. The bad news is, of course, diarrhea.
And, yes, he will kiss his mother with that mouth.
I don't know why this happens, but bid adieu to that lunch box you picked out and carefully labeled. You won't be seeing it for a good long while. Or ever.
Your child will develop a friend crush on that one kid that whines excessively or armpit farts the national anthem. Trying to steer him away will only make it worse.
To be fair, when your child comes home, this will still be a wound. Good luck figuring out where it actually came from.
Whoops! Your child forgot to tell you about the shoebox diorama of the Taj Mahal that's due in the morning. Prepare to feel judged.
Guess whose kid is the only kid who won't be attending the underwater basket-weaving workshop at the children's museum tomorrow. Hint: yours.
Or a dozen. For my child this was an obscenely large amount of LEGOs with no explanation attached. Also be prepared for your child's possessions to go home in someone else's backpack. Clearly no one told kids that kids are the worst at returning things.
Nothing matches the panic you'll feel midyear when your child comes home with a barren backpack and nothing but a shrug when you ask him whether or not he has homework.
You had no idea that your child swapped out a granola bar for a string cheese until the unmistakable funk of rotten mozzarella has already permeated the entire house.
No matter how darling your little one is, she'll probably get in trouble at school. Be prepared to hear about how she really needed to contribute an armpit fart version of the national anthem at circle time.
This might be the aforementioned string cheese. Or maybe it's a dead mouse. Either way it stinks, is black and rotten and appears to be hairy.
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