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The toughest relationship: Mom and daughter

I started blogging in 2012 after my husband (then boyfriend) alerted me that people were receptive to my thoughts and opinions, and that the best way to get those out were to write

All mothers and daughters have a complex relationship, but if you're like me you've definitely experienced one or all of the below.

mother and daughter

Photo credit: Iromaya/Getty Images

If you’re a daughter, you’ve definitely gone through the below with your mother. And many of them are the reason why Mother's Day is an important opportunity to celebrate.

I love my mom until she says no

You remember it, right? The first time your mom says no to you; heart-wrenching, unnerving, just plain odd. You’re 5 and you want ice cream for dinner; she says no. You’re 13 and you want to go to a dance with that boy, she’s not impressed with him and says no, or you’re 18 and you want to go on a road trip. This is the impetus for the push and pull of a mother and daughter’s relationship.

That one argument

There is the one argument that every mother and daughter has over and over again and it can change as we continue to grow up. My mother’s and mine have always been around what we do together. We weren’t "typical" compared to my friends; my mom didn’t like the mall or shopping, so we had to find other things to bond over. That was pretty hard when I was 12 or 16, but now we find more things to do together. That doesn’t mean we don’t argue over quality time, it just means it happens a little less.

She’s really your unwavering support system

No matter what happens, she is who I call first, she is the voice I hear in my head when I know I am not acting like my best self, she is the guidance I seek in all instances. I am by no means a "mommy's girl," but I do understand that I am lucky that my mom has my best interests at hand and she always will.

You’ll actually take on her style and like it

My mother’s signature outfit is a pair of black jeans and a denim shirt. I know what you’re thinking, "Jill is a trendy mom.” But in 1994, I couldn’t understand why anyone would ever wear black jeans; they just weren’t cool. As a daughter, you are your mother’s biggest support system and biggest critic, especially around fashion. Then, one day in my early 20s I met my mom for lunch and guess what? I was wearing black jeans, a denim shirt and we matched. She has never ever, ever let me forget that what I thought was not cool has suddenly become my own style. And that, maybe, we are more alike than we are different.

You can never pay her back

The truth is, there is no repaying our parents, especially our mothers. As I consider the possibility of having my own children, I’ve felt closer to the thoughts and choices my own mother made. Each woman loses a part of herself when she has children and raises them, and for that we can only say thank you and hope that what we’ve become as adults makes them proud.

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