I don’t follow sports. My extended family does and so do some of my friends. This means I get invited to Super Bowl parties and I have to come up with excuses not to go each year.
Apparently, saying “I don’t want to watch the Super Bowl” is incomprehensible and not a valid excuse. This is how I was tricked into going one year.
It was a disaster. I didn’t cheer loud enough or sincere enough. I abandoned the TV shrine to use the bathroom during the game! I certainly didn’t drink enough and I didn’t wear the right colors much less any licensed sports attire.
Apparently, I was bad luck for the team and caused them to lose. Or so my sports fanatical aunt and uncle tell me.
For a number of years, this negative experience caused me to shun all sports and especially the Super Bowl.
I’ve since learned from my mistakes. If you find yourself in the 36 percent of the U.S. population who enjoys the commercials during the Super Bowl more than the actual game, then read on. These tips might help you actually enjoy yourself.
What is the Super Bowl? The Super Bowl is actually awesome. As long as you remember that it is secret code for a super bowl of nachos.
Like, a huge bowl piled high with all the fixings. Bring it to the party. You’ll automatically win points for not bringing something wrong. Yes, by bringing the wrong food you could ruin the entire night for everyone. Be careful!
You see, during the Super Bowl, people watch a football game on TV. It is difficult to eat spaghetti when you are not allowed to remove your eyes from the TV screen. Finger foods are key here. Wings, chips and dip, hot dogs, brats (Wisconsin only, I think) and other grubby, hold-in-your-bare-hands type foods are ideal. To be safe, do not under any circumstances bring anything that requires silverware. Or they’ll all laugh at you and point fingers.
Don’t worry, it isn’t bad. You don’t have to actually learn how the game works or the name of the quarterback or anything boring. There’s a shortcut to all of this.
Before the party, find out which two teams are playing and find out what color their uniforms are so you can tell them apart. Then find out which team your hosts are cheering for. Plan to cheer for the same one, even if you strongly prefer the uniform color scheme of the other team.
You won’t know when to cheer, but just do what everyone else does. You’ll be fine as long as you cheer loud enough. Just sincerely act like you care even if you don’t. If you need help with this, see the next tip.
If you are willing, drinking alcoholic beverages makes everything more fun — including sports. If you are offered shots (often of particular color to match the preferred team) drink them with enthusiasm.
Apparently, it means that the team you are pretending to cheer for just did something good. Cheers!
About the author:
Amber Dusick is one of our SheKnows Experts Among Us. She is the author of the bestselling humor book Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures. She writes and illustrates the blog Crappy Pictures where she captures the hilarious and frustrating things that happen in marriage and parenting. Find her on Twitter and Facebook.
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