You know how one minute you're in a happy and fulfilling marriage and the next you find out that your husband of 20 years has been cheating on you with someone 10 years younger? Well, I do.
Can I get an "always?"
I went from country club wife and mother of high school students to a single, 39-year-old "cougar." In this weekly feature, I will share with you all the mind-boggling, head-scratching, is-this-someone's-idea-of-a-joke moments from my so-called single life. Consider this your private invitation to my tremendous learning curve…
Redefining is a fleeting fix
Last week, you may recall that in a profound lapse in judgment, I had an “adult sleepover” with the 31-year-old, ever-persistent Zach. I have several excuses for my poor behavior — I was stressed, lonely, had gone through a dry spell and the always-classy “I had too much to drink.” Not my proudest moment to say the least. I justified it by thinking of it as an “adult sleepover” instead of the tackier “one-night stand.”
Time to cast a bigger net?
"There is no consequence-free hook-up."
I was cruising along quite nicely, having reconciled the Zach situation in my head to yet another symptom of being single after decades of marriage. I'm still learning to be single, and in case you haven't gathered yet by reading this column, I suck at it. I have learned certain truths along the way, but I still stumble.
Welcome to my latest face plant. I have met the last three men (including Zach) that I have slept with at the same neighborhood pub. It's in a small town by where I grew up, so I feel safe and comfortable there. In the town I actually live in, I feel like a target if I go out alone. I honestly am not at the pub to meet my next victim, er date — I go there to hang with familiar friends.
After the Zach slumber party, a guy that has always been in the background recently started to visit with me when I'm at the pub. He's handsome, in great shape and 51 years old. He also is a golf pro, and I love to play golf. When he called and asked if I wanted to go golfing with him Sunday, I could barely contain my excitement. When he called again and asked if I wanted to go to a friend's birthday party Saturday night, I accepted.
Here's the rub
While I've been out of town on business, the new man (we'll call him Scott) has been calling and we've been getting to know one other a bit better over the phone. And I really like what he has to say. He seems like a solid, straight-up guy, and best of all, he's an adult.
Scott and Zach run in the same circles. Worse than that, Zach has a reputation that I'm sure a guy like Scott would be less than enthused about. Zach and Scott have a mutual friend who likes to start trouble. I can totally see this guy spilling the beans to Scott about my lapse in judgment with Zach.
So ladies, the moral of the story is there is no consequence-free hook-up. We tell ourselves all the time that it's no big deal and part of being single, but we are kidding ourselves. In this particular case, I now have to come clean with a guy I like, who I think has great potential, about one of my least proud moments. Awesome. I'll let you know how it goes.
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