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7 Telltale signs that what you have may not be love

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is an author of Loving Yourself and a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly ach...

He says he loves me but….

How do you know if the man you are with loves you? Love should feel mutual, reciprocal and easy. So why is it that you often fall in love with people who say they love you but the way they treat you never feels like love? Their actions do not match the words they speak, so is this still love?
Couple in bed

Here is the first clue… love should make you feel good. If you are feeling less than good, taking the normal ups and downs of a relationship into consideration, it may be that you are with someone who is not capable of loving. Here are the top signs.

1

Feeling drained

It may not be love if you feel drained physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You may feel like you have no power of opinion and feel exasperated and exhausted because you have given your power away to someone else. Love should give you power and make you feel important.

2

Loss of your rhythm

It may not be love when in trying to make him happy, you became easygoing and accepting to the point of feeling like you are sacrificing your soul. You have lost your own rhythm in life and this has made you disoriented and needy even if you are an independent person. Love does not require you to sacrifice your soul.

3

You cannot do anything right

It is not love if he is constantly telling you in some way that you are not good enough, giving enough or loving enough. Love should complement and uplift you.

4

Humiliating or "teasing"

It is not love when he mocks your personality and publically humiliates you. In these situations, you feel embarrassment and resentment due to constant passive-aggressive “teasing.” When you confront your partner, you are told you are too sensitive and are mocked further. Love is considerate and kind.

5

It’s all about him

It is not love when your feelings are never heard or validated and there is no opportunity to have a two-sided conversation where your thoughts are considered, respected and valued. Rather, your thoughts are demeaned and you are battled until he finally has the last word and you are left feeling that there is no point. After time with someone like this, you become incapable of even enjoying the good moments.

6

You feel controlled

It is not love if you feel he is controlling you. It is his way of dominating your level of happiness. You begin to pretend to be happy when you are not just to avoid another verbal go-around. You feel uncomfortable to be yourself because speaking your mind creates conflict. It is easy to come to the point where you no longer recognize who you are.

7

You have no personal freedom

It is not love when he responds with criticism, mockery and disbelief to your desires for independence. You will certainly not be encouraged to grow because if you grow, you may leave and the self-absorbed person cannot stand the thought of being alone. Love means being free and supported in your independence.

The bottom line?

While I do believe that all relationships serve a divine purpose, not all of them show up in a way that reveals their purpose to you. When you are living in a toxic relationship, these relationships obviously shut you down and obstruct your self-development. It won't be until you leave these relationships and heal yourselves that you can open your eyes to the bigger picture, learning the opportunity that this relationship gave you.

More relationship tips

The secret to a happy relationship: Be selfish
What is your body language communicating?
Power struggles: Why being right can make everything wrong

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