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Crazy seeking crazy: Unstable dating habits

Chaos junkies in relationships

Some girls get their kicks from romantic gestures. Some girls get excitement from a really long conversation. What did I like? A huge fight that resulted in cathartic make up sessions where my significant other professed his undying love for me.
Couple fighting

What? I like to feel needed. Oh don't get all Judge Judy on me. At least I'm honest.

We all can be manipulative in our own ways

Some girls deliberately flirt with men in front of their boyfriends. Others strategically talk about some "random" guy hitting on them. I would rather start a fight to try to get that same attention.

But your average guy wouldn't put up with that psychotic nature.

And that's why I didn't usually date average guys. I dated equally emotionally ruined men. Let's look at the stats: a womanizing doctor with a Messiah complex, a womanizing athlete who had mommy issues and a womanizing artist — no explanation needed. (Oh how sweet, I'm so “pro-women” I like my men that way too. Not.)

The perfect case study embodying this is Rihanna and Chris Brown. No, I don't know them. No, I don't want to. But I'm sure each of them could have found a stable, loving partner that doesn't aggravate them to the point of destruction (and where they post embarrassing rants on social media). I'll even bet they are drawn to each other because of the reactive nature of their dynamic, not because they are meant to be.

You ever hear how someone could bring out the worst in you?

Sometimes when two unstable people date each other, the rush they get from being together stems from their desire for drama-based affirmation, not love. Yes there is an obvious insecurity there, but real love shouldn't feel like a sinking ship that you're trying to keep afloat. This is not the S.S. Titanic, nor are you Jack and Rose. You remember all those obstacles that couple faced? Or when they finally decided to be together the cataclysmic emotional reaction both they and the audience felt? Yea that feeling can be addictive, which is why crazies seek crazies.

Normal people realize that obstacles are a fact of life, not a tool to feel bonded to each other. Normal relationships go through trials, but don't seek to put each other on trial. I was so confused about this that I thought my behavior was OK. I almost wanted to feel bad so he could make me feel good. But why? Because I subconsciously must have known he wasn't the one for me if I needed to hurt before I could feel good. I'm sure you know plenty of couples that always are in a state of chaos (or perhaps you're in one yourself).

How do you break the cycle?

Wake up and speak up! If you need attention, ask for it. Life is way too complicated as it is for you to proactively search out situations to feel needed. There's no reason you need to have an attack plan to recruit attention if you're in a healthy relationship. This isn't a bank heist! And if you're single and you know you tend to suffer from some variation of this, seek out someone that is stable or just different from what you normally go for.

All too often I see girls condescend some guys because they come off “boring.” Sometimes that's the perfect solution to “quirky” (my nice word for insane) traits that make you unstable. Find a partner who accepts you as you are and is able to counter your insecurities with a loving environment. Yea, sorry real life doesn't work like the movies. There is a whole life story contained in an hour and a half segment — be happy your life's not that short.

Ladies, you attract what you put out, so if you also don't work on curbing the crazy, you can't expect anything less than an asylum-style relationship.

More dating advice

What to do when your ex upgrades
Is he just a hookup?
What does a modern sugar daddy look like?

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