M&J: Prolonged lovemaking is part of the tradition. The tantrics of old recognized that orgasm can be a mystical experience, often the most readily accessible mystical experience of all. During orgasm, the mind goes quiet, and you may feel a sense of merger — be it with a partner or even with all that is.
For most of us, the transcendent potential in sex is something that's experienced only briefly, during the orgasm itself. If you extend arousal and focus on building it (this need not include genital intercourse), you may start to feel this sense of union well before you have an orgasm, and it is likely to last far longer than it would in more conventional lovemaking. So making it last is a means to an end, not an end in itself. If you can stay turned on for a half hour or so, you're likely to experience the altered state of consciousness we just described.
Here's how to incorporate elements of tantric sex into your own bedroom:
M&J: It's fairly common for people to check out during sex, to do things by rote and without a whole lot of reflection. Paying attention to what you're experiencing in your body, the way you are breathing and how your partner is responding are all very important.
M&J: To take this a step further, people tend to interact sexually based on a set of tacit understandings: Basically, I'll do you for a while, and then you can do me, and if we're lucky, we'll both have a good experience.
We encourage people to separate giving and receiving in a very methodical way. For example, it's great to experiment with giving and receiving kisses. Take a couple of minutes and allow your partner to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. Then reverse roles. When you're kissing, see how fully you can give yourself over to the active role. When you're receiving, surrender to the experience completely.
Next Up: The 60-minute massage
And you'll see personalized content just for you whenever you click the My Feed .
SheKnows is making some changes!