Notes to My Future Husband

Why you don't have to settle

I am a picky b****. No doubt you are too. Lucky for us, we get to be. We belong to a lucky generation of independent women who don't have to spend their early 20s in a mad dash to get hitched to the nearest breadwinner.

It took three waves of feminism, a few landmark pieces of legislation and a massive cultural shift toward gender equality, but tying the knot is no longer a prerequisite to leading a stable and happy life. Husbands are optional these days.

A luxury, not a necessity

That's not to say we don't want one. We might. It's just nice not having to need one. We get to seek independence and self-knowledge before seeking a life partner. We get to play the field like all the boys do. We get to set our own romantic standards, and when it comes to the institution of marriage, we get to bust up that church and rebuild it brick by brick until it's a castle of our own design.

We've been around the block, and we all know better than to buy what the fairy tales and family sitcoms are selling. We aren't silly schoolgirls dreaming of soul mates. We never expected a Prince Charming, and we're not waiting to be swept off our feet.

"All we really want is a partner in crime. We want our intellectual and emotional equal."

Hell, all we really want is a partner in crime. We want our intellectual and emotional equal. We want the alternative to that shirt-stained oafish mess of a man-child pop culture insists on portraying as the standard issue husband. We have more respect for men than that.

In fact, we love men. Everything about them. They are warm and delicious creatures that make us laugh, carry in the heavy stuff from the car, and on the really good days, take us into the bedroom and light us up like a fireworks display.

Those little things

I’ve had plenty of men in my time. I’ve even fallen in love with a few, but as wonderful as a good man can be, I’ve still yet to meet one I’d be willing to call my husband. That's OK, though. I'm in no rush, and I’ve learned so much from all of my past relationships. I’ve learned that you can’t build a lifelong commitment on outward appearances or infatuation or money. I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as “the one,” and when it comes to picking a future husband, it's the little things that matter.

That's why I put together a collection of the little things in my very first book, Notes To My Future Husband: A Bitch's Guide To Our Happily Ever After. Available now at Barnes and Noble and Amazon, it's a smirking nod to all the tidbits and minutia about the men in our lives that make us swoon and then roll our eyes.

Every last one of us could fill a book with notes to the men we might one day marry. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find a man cool enough to call my future husband.

If that ever happens, my notes will be waiting for him.

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Comments

Comments on "Note to my future husband: You're optional"

Kendra October 26, 2012 | 10:06 AM

I totally agree that you should never have to settle! On the contrary, there is no perfect man out there, and compromise is a must in any relationship. If you love each other and are committed to make it work through thick and thin, he just may be "the one."

Laurel October 23, 2012 | 12:09 PM

I love the idea that a man doesn't complete me, and that he is optional. Just because we want to be married and have a family doesn't mean we have to settle!

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