We spoke with sex counselor Rich Blonna, Ph.D., author of Sex ACT: Unleash the Power of Your Sexual Mind with Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, to get his take on how couples can guide each other to having the best sex of their lives... without uttering a single sentence.
The best seduction scenes start prior to even setting foot near the bed. Be the one to strike the match. "Take the initiative," Blonna says. "Don't wait to be invited to the bedroom — do the inviting yourself. This is a real turn-on to guys."
Here's how to get him excited for the main event using only his sense of touch:
"Gently massage his neck, his head, arms, legs or any other non-genital body parts," Blonna says. "The skin is your biggest erogenous zone. You don't have to touch his genitals to send sexy electrical currents shooting through his mind and body. Nuzzle his neck and behind his ears with your nose. Let your hair fall over him as you do this. The back of the ears and neck are highly charged erogenous zones."
OK, now it's time to move to the bedroom. Remember: No talking necessary!
"Make direct eye contact, smile, raise your eyebrows in an inviting and seductive way, and just nod your head in the direction of the bedroom," Blonna says. "Then lead the way. Extend your hands, palms up, and use your hands in an inviting way to join you. Start walking toward your destination, look back over your shoulder, and wiggle your pointer finger, seductively gesturing him to follow."
Hey, if it works in the movies, it'll definitely work in your home!
We all like different things when we get down to business. If you have trouble discussing your preferences (especially while you're in the act!), try these stealth tactics:
"The best, and most direct [way to show him what you like], is to gently take his hand and place it where you want it," Blonna says. "Use varying levels of pressure and tempo to show him where and how you like to be touched."
"You can also touch him in the ways you like to be touched. This is an indirect way to teach your partner what you like. If he is at all perceptive, he will realize that if it feels good for him, chances are it will feel good for you. This is learning through role modeling. Usually this will not lead to the immediate action you desire but can work in the long run."
Smartphones... tablets... e-readers... flatscreens... These digital guests aren't invited to your lovemaking party:
"The biggest thing to avoid is being distracted and involved in multitasking," Blonna says. "Obvious signs of distraction involve checking your email, watching TV, taking phone calls, etc., while trying to get the action going.
"Leave your cell phone, iPod and any other distracting device in the kitchen. The bedroom is a place to practice mindfulness. The only thing that matters once you get there is him — how he feels, how he smells, how he tastes, what every inch of his body looks like and the sex sounds he makes when you stimulate him. Making love can be a gourmet feast and an entertaining event if you give it your full attention and time."
For more on Dr. Blonna, check out his website here!
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