Woman annoyed with husband

If the most romantic thing your husband has done lately is manage to keep most of his dirty socks off the floor, you need a romance intervention.

Rules for romance

While not every guy is going to start coming home with roses every week, we do have some tips for nudging him in a more romantic direction.

Define romance

The first thing we suggest doing is taking a look at what romance means to you. That way you can better communicate what you need to your husband. Is it just a matter of him being more available (e.g. present and talking to you rather than being buried in his laptop all night), or are you craving more affection? Do you want more date nights, or do you wish he was at home more than at work? Figure out what you want first, then working toward it will be easier.


Wish you and your hubby went out more? Don’t sit around and wait for him to set a date -- do it yourself! While it would be great if your guy was the one making restaurant reservations, suggesting weekend activities or even bringing home a bottle of wine on Friday, don’t discount the power of being the initiator. Make that reservation, coax him out on a weekend trip to the farmers market, or lead him by the hand onto the porch for a post-dinner glass of wine. The more you do, ideally the more he sees the merit of a little extra romance.

Communicate your needs

If you don’t tell your partner what you want, you’re never going to get it. The key, though, is how you go about telling him what you want. Avoid accusing. Starting out with “You never take me out anymore” is just going to put him on the defensive. Whereas saying, “I would love to spend more time with you. Let’s go out for dinner more so we can catch up,” is a much better way of communicating your needs that doesn’t put your husband on the spot or place blame.

Meet him halfway

He may never turn into that guy who sends roses to your office or buys you a diamond bracelet on a whim. But that doesn’t mean he’s incapable of romance. Maybe his way of being romantic is to attempt to make dinner when he knows you’re going to be late or bring home a tub of your favorite ice cream when you've had a bad day. Remember that everyone’s idea of romance is different, so try to take note of the gestures that might seem mundane to you but romantic to him.

More relationship tips

5 Fall date ideas to rev up the romance
5 Ways to keep the chemistry alive
How to make date night sexier


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Comments on "Help! I can't get my husband to be romantic"

Cynthia October 15, 2012 | 2:45 PM

Communication is key!! Whenever my hubby and I are in a rut, I make sure to tell him how I feel and specifically tell him what he can do to help. Guys like that! If I feel like he's not being romantic, I explain to him that we BOTH need to work harder at that, and a date night would be great!

Amy October 15, 2012 | 2:41 PM

I definitely think it's good to lead the way when it comes to romance. If you tell your husband how much you love him and plan date nights, he'll follow and want to do the same. It's easy for couples to get stuck in a rut of doing the same thing every night.

Emma September 18, 2012 | 11:29 AM

That is great advice! I don't always have to wait for him to initiate! So many times I disappoint myself with unrealistic expectations, so it would help if I clearly define what I want and if I make it happen sometimes! He should catch on, right?!

Laurel September 18, 2012 | 11:27 AM

I think it is absolutely important to communicate and clearly define what romance means to you. Guaranteed it is different for him, so he may think the things he is doing is romantic but it is obviously not cutting it for you! Guys can handle the direction!!

Katie September 18, 2012 | 10:21 AM

Great advice! I tend to more nag my husband about stuff like that, which I know only makes it worse! I totally agree that if you want something done (like going out for dinner), make the reservations yourself! As long as you're spending time together, than it'll bring you closer.

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