It's not you, it's me: How to break up the right way

Sep 12, 2012 5:00 AM by Jessica Padykula

Posted in Love & Sex / Divorce & Breakups / Breakups

Best Breakup Tips

Breaking up is never easy. Even if you know for certain you need out of this relationship and you can’t wait to be single, doing the deed can still be painful. To avoid a botched breakup, there are some important rules to follow before saying goodbye.

Woman breaking up with boyfriend

Don’t string him along

If you want your relationship to be over and you’re itching to leave, just do it. There’s no point stringing him along and letting him believe that everything is fine. The actual breakup will be much harder if you drag it out. We know it won’t be easy, but the longer you wait, the more nervous you’re going to get and the more shocked he’s going to be when you finally do it.

Be honest but kind

Being on the losing end of a breakup is never easy. Your soon-to-be ex is going to be understandably upset with the news, but the key is to be honest about your feelings while still being aware of his. Be firm in what you’re saying, but don’t do or say anything that will make him feel even worse.

Stay calm

Even if you’re upset or nervous (which you will likely be), try to stay calm through the breakup. This is particularly important if he starts to freak out or get angry. There’s no point getting in a fight with him or allowing anything he says to get to you. Of course he’s going to be mad; there’s no getting around that. But by staying calm, you can avoid the drama and stress that can often come with breakups.

Avoid attacking

Maybe he never picked you up on time; maybe his cooking was terrible and taste in gifts made you cringe. But keep the snarky comments to a minimum and avoid going on the attack. Your goal isn’t to goad him into a fight or make him feel even worse. You want to be honest, but don’t attack him. Do things quickly, efficiently and in a way that isn’t going to make things harder for either of you.

Watch: Relationship dealbreakers

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More about breakups

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Tags: breakup tips breakups

Comments

Comments on "It's not you, it's me: How to break up the right way"

I agree with everyone - this is great advice and it's best to stay calm and not start attacking. That can lead to him then attacking you and you getting way to emotionally upset. Stay calm!!

I think the best advice whether you are on the giving or receiving end of the break up is being honest but nice. There is no need to be immature and drag out all of the baggage, but if you leave a little hope open they will cling to it. Be honest about where you are at and the reasons for those feelings, it will help you both with closure.

I'm important to stay away from attacking. That will just cause the fight to go further and it will take longer and be harder for the relationship to end. Stay on task, do what you need to do, and allow you both to move on.

These are great tips if you're breaking up with a boyfriend or something, but what about divorce? I agree with the tips, but it's obviously going to be a lot harder and emotions are sure to get in the way. Any advice on handling that??

I like the advice of being honest but kind. If you're breaking up with someone, there's no point in slamming everything they did wrong, too. They're going to be upset no matter what, so be as gentle as possible and then go your separate ways.