How to help your BFF through a breakup

Aug 21, 2012 5:00 AM by Jessica Padykula

Posted in Love & Sex / Marriage & Relationships / Friendship

Help Her Through
A Breakup

So your best friend just got the rug pulled out from under her and she’s a mess. Obviously you want to be there for her, but it’s tough to know where to start when someone is dealing with fresh heartache. If you want to help her, we can help you do it in just a few simple but effective steps.

Women consoling friend

Listen

While you might be tempted to immediately start telling her she’s better off without him, how you actually didn’t like him in the first place and you think she can do way better than him, the first step is to just listen. Listen to her endlessly talk about how she didn’t see it coming, how she thought he was the one and how she can’t believe this just happened.

She shouldn’t wallow for too long, but she needs to get all of this stuff off her chest and you can be her sounding board. Don’t let her get too carried away, but do spend time letting her vent and work through her feelings with you. Once she’s feeling less overwhelmed, then you can step in and start offering her constructive ideas for how to move forward.

Distract

Let’s face it -- she’s going to want to become a hermit and sit inside watching movies and obsessively stalk his Twitter feed and Facebook page. You can’t let this happen. Do your best to distract her with things she loves, even if it takes some serious cajoling. Book the two of you in for a day at the spa, plan a surprise weekend road trip (drag her into the car if you have to), take her out for dinner and do what you can to make sure she’s not alone on weekends or any “special” days like what would have been their anniversary.

4 Fun friend get-togethers that don't cost a thing >>

Motivate

Once you’ve listened and distracted and she seems to be feeling less like hiding out at home, it’s time to start motivating her to move on. Be sensitive to her situation, but don’t let her get hung up on wishing her ex was still around or that things would be better if he suddenly came back into her life. Find out what she wants to do, see if she wants to sign up for a class the two of you can take together, or suggest now as a great time to tackle the big project she’s been talking about for years. The point is to help her see how much better she’ll feel once she turns a corner and starts her life fresh, in a new more exciting direction -- without her ex.

Watch: Girlfriends

Kate Walsh discusses those relationships that withstand the test of time and the type of friends that will always be there for you.

More friendship tips

How to make more friends at work
4 Ways to refresh your friendships
5 Ways to be a better BFF

Tags: breakup tips breakups friendship tips

Comments

Comments on "How to help your BFF through a breakup"

Take her out!! Get dressed up and give her some confidence!

Definitely all these are great ways to help a friend. Listening does help a lot to relieve stress from the break up and make her feel less overwhelmed. When I went through my first break up, just by talking about it helped me realize I was better off without him.

I definitely agree that listening is the best way to console a friend going through a break up. And if you do speak, build her up and give her healthy and truthful confidence in herself! Don't speak so negatively about her ex just yet, and let her tell you the details.

Great article! I still remember my first breakup in college and how much my friends helped...they force fed me, hid my cell phone, and blared Kelly Clarkson non-stop. It helped just knowing they were there for me.

I think listening to your friends is the best you can do for them. Meet them for coffee or grab some lunch, and let your friend vent to her. Reassure her that you're there for her, and that she WILL meet someone else and will look back on this and laugh. Breakups are tough, but that's what we have friends for!