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How to get what you want in bed

Jessica Padykula is a freelance writer and editor in Toronto, Canada covering a wide range of topics for several online lifestyle publications. She is a regular contributor for SheKnows, covering travel, style, relationships, health and ...

Find bedroom balance

Having a healthy sex life means that it’s balanced and that both of you are getting what you want in bed, rather than one person feeling like things are lacking. If you’ve been feeling like things are one-sided when it comes to sex, we have some tips to help even things out.
Find bedroom balance

Talk often

No relationship issue can be fixed without talking about it, especially when it comes to sex. If you don’t discuss what’s bothering you, it’s never going to be dealt with in a way that works for both of you. Whether you feel like he doesn’t address your needs in bed, isn’t willing to try new positions that might suit you better or simply only likes sex when it’s convenient for him, getting him to change requires honest discussion. It’s OK to be honest about what you don’t want. A balanced sex life requires continuous dialogue if you want things to work.

Share and share alike

The key to keeping your sex life balanced is to ensure you’re both doing things that please the other person. One person shouldn’t get all the attention when you’re having sex -- you have to share. So take turns. Either alternate who gets the most attention or who the focus is on (one day for you, one day for him), or find ways to keep things equal for both of you every time. The point is for both of you to be engaged and enjoying the experience equally.

Ask for what you want

If you’re not getting what you want or you feel like he’s not giving you what you need, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Be gentle and tactful, and remember that sex is a two way street. If you’re not having fun, what’s the point? Talk to your partner about some of the ways he can make your experience better in a way that doesn’t come across as harsh or insulting. Find a way to lead him in the direction that works well for you and that lets you feel like you’re able to enjoy yourself fully.

Quick tip

If you don’t know how to tell him, show him. Actions really can speak louder than words when it comes to sex.

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