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3 Ways to stop fighting about sex

Jessica Padykula is a freelance writer and editor in Toronto, Canada covering a wide range of  topics for several online lifestyle publications. She is a regular contributor for SheKnows, covering travel, style, relationships, health and...

Let's talk about sex

Sex is one of the topics that always lands on the list of things couples fight about most often. Along with finances and chores, sex is a hot-button issue in more than a few relationships. If you’ve been arguing about what does (or doesn’t) happen in the bedroom, we’re here to help.

unhappy couple in bed

Quick tip: Try to start the discussion when both of you are in good moods, calm and well-rested. Ideally, go somewhere else to talk, like a coffee shop, a nearby park or a quiet pub. The change of scenery can foster more open discussion.

Communicate

Fighting is not communicating. In order to stop any animosity about sex, you need to talk about it, rationally and calmly. Whether one of you isn’t getting what you want, one of you wants sex more than the other, or you’re just stuck in a bedroom rut, open discussion and honesty are key to sorting things out and avoiding further fights.

Find a compromise

Not every couple is going to be totally on the same page when it comes to sex. Maybe you like sex in the afternoons and he likes it right before bed (when you’d rather be reading your book). If you’re fighting about details like that, find a way to ensure you’re both happy. Maybe try pre-dinner sex when you have more energy. That way, it’s still late enough that he’s happy, but you don’t have to give him the cold shoulder again because it’s midnight and you’re tired and you have an early meeting tomorrow.

Alter what isn’t working

Can’t stand the thought of sliding between the sheets after a big dinner (when he’s ready for a romp)? Does he always jump right into action minus any foreplay (when you’d rather some lead-up time)? Whatever the issue is that isn’t working, do your best to fix it. Simply getting into an argument about the same sticking point every week won’t solve anything. You need to step in and make some changes that work for both of you.

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