He's Not Your Type

There are many traits that are good predictors of how a man will treat a woman while in a relationship. Most women focus on specific characteristics like, 'Does he have a stable job?' or 'Is he fun to talk to?' Sure, these qualities are important, but while a man may appear to have a whole host of wonderful traits, what often goes unrealized is the importance of how a man deals with his anger. Here we take a deeper look into the man with a temper and list the warning signs.

Woman with abusive boyfriend

Beware of the man with a temper

Most women assume that I am referring simply to a man who is violent or abusive. Naturally, avoiding those types of men is a given. However, when I refer to a man with a temper, what I am specifically referring to is a man who overreacts to a situation when he is angry. By “overreacting” I am not necessarily implying that he is physically violent or verbally abusive. Although again, behaving in either of these ways would be inappropriate and inexcusable.

However, I am referring to other ways in which a man may overreact to a situation. For instance, if a man ignores you for a week because you were 10 minutes late for your date, that is an overreaction. If a man yells at you for disagreeing with him, that is an overreaction.

Understand the situation

When this type of man gets angry, he is not reasonable because he feels as if he is being attacked. For him it is a life and death struggle. Most men have the maturity and self-control not to even consider injuring a woman either physically or emotionally when they are angry. A man with a temper has one goal – to protect himself at any cost, even if that means hurting the woman in his life.

"A man with a temper has one goal – to protect himself at any cost, even if that means hurting the woman in his life."

Don't overlook the warning signs

The question I have received repeatedly regarding a man with a temper is the following: “What are the warning signs?” You should be concerned if he has a tendency to:

  • Become hypersensitive to conflict. He is easily offended and often takes the slightest setback as a personal attack. His hypersensitivity puts a woman in the position of having to walk on eggshells for fear of upsetting him.
  • Constantly blame others for his misfortunes. In his mind, there is always an excuse as to why his life isn’t what he thinks it should be, and he usually blames others for his life's shortcomings. He does not take responsibility for his own happiness.
  • Become excessively jealous and control your behavior. Has he told you it is because he loves you so much or that he only wants to help you? Has he started telling you what to wear, who you can socialize with or where you can go? This is not love. This is considered control.
  • Demand unrealistic expectations from you. Does he expect you to be the perfect woman? Are you responsible for meeting his every need? If you disappoint him in any way, are you heavily penalized for it either through verbal abuse or passive aggressive behavior such as being ignored for days? There is no way an individual can live up to these types of expectations, and often it is difficult to always know exactly what the specific expectations are.

Will he change?

The danger of being with this type of man? He often isn't interested in changing. In his mind, the problems that occur in a relationship are almost always the woman's fault. His temper can actually make his partner believe his unrealistic and childish expectations. Such a man may be attractive when he's in a good mood, but his dark side will rob a woman of her self-esteem and beauty the deeper she is involved with him. If you are concerned and think you may be in a relationship like this, please be cautious and remember to always put yourself first.

More relationship help

Relationship on the rocks: When it’s time to say goodbye
PTSD: How does trauma affect relationships?
How to build a solid relationship foundation

Tags:

Recommended for you

Comments

Comments on "Love advice: Beware of a man with a temper"

Julie June 06, 2012 | 3:37 PM

Just because a man doesn't hit you doesn't mean he's not abusive. Sticking with an angry controlling man not only can affect you deeply but can harm your children and change who they are meant to be. Lesson learned.

Emma May 02, 2012 | 10:24 AM

"Such a man may be attractive when he's in a good mood, but his dark side will rob a woman of her self-esteem and beauty the deeper she is involved with him." We must find our identity in ourselves and not our relationship so this cannot happen. A man can tear down a woman, women actually can do the same to a man in different ways, but a ill-tempered man is not a desirable match and generally we won't be "the one" that can change him.

+ Add Comment


(required - not published)