Bad breakup note

Learn and laugh from these breakup stories provided by SheKnows editors and team members who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons. From weird fetishes to double lives, these stories will work out your funny bone and give your aching heart a rest!

Sheknows shares best breakup stories

Freckle fetish

“When I was a college freshman, I met the cutest guy in my history class. We were paired up for a project and really hit it off. We started dating and it lasted about three months; I even drove four hours to Wisconsin to meet his parents – so it was kind of getting serious. He had a lot of freckles himself and he always talked about how cute freckles were and how he had only dated girls with freckles in the past, but that he made “an exception” for me. I thought he was joking around about the weird freckle fetish but at first I thought it was kind of endearing.

Then one day he said he couldn’t do it anymore. He came over to my apartment and he said we needed to talk. 'Look,’ he said. ‘I thought I could do this. I thought I liked you enough to make it work, but I just can’t get past the fact that you don’t have freckles. It almost grosses me out actually.’

His reasoning was so insane I wasn’t even mad. I was just grateful to get rid of him after finding out what a weirdo he was."

Leave those with fetishes in the dust and instead find someone who appreciates you just the way you are!

Caught in the act

“One time I came in and found my boyfriend piercing his junk with one of my hoop earrings. And he slept with an axe and a leather whip under his mattress. He also pretended he was a struggling artist – had all these amazing drawings of women he said he knew. But I found a box of Cosmos under his bed and he had just traced them off the covers.”

Talk about an awkward encounter!

Latvian flag

Latvian liar

“My ex-BF of four years told me to move out a week before Christmas, saying he wanted to move to Latvia. A week later, he put on Facebook that he was in a relationship. She wasn’t from Latvia. And she had big gums.”

Holiday heartbreak

"I once broke up with a guy on Christmas (Christmas Day, no joke) and then we got back together a few weeks later and then I broke up with him for good on Valentine’s Day.

In my defense, he was a raging alcoholic and those happened to be the two days he was a special caliber of drunken jerk so I blame him."

Scandalous snoop

After a romantic weekend getaway followed by a few slightly weird unexplained events, this girl found out the hard way that once a cheater, almost always a cheater.

"One weekend my boyfriend wanted to take me on a weekend trip. We had dinner plans at a nice restaurant and I was really excited since this was the first time he had done something like this for me. When we got to the restaurant, he was acting really weird and said he didn't like the menu, and was adamant about ordering room service.

When we got back to the room, there was a card at the front door with his name on it. Because he was acting so weird, I thought maybe a surprise was coming. He opened the card, read it really quick and threw it into his duffle bag. I let it slide, and we stayed in, watched a movie and then fell asleep. Then, at about 2 a.m., the hotel phone started ringing off the hook. I would pick up the phone but no one would be on the other line. Once we got up, he started acting really weird again, said he wanted to go check his messages because there wasn't any cell reception in the room... keep in mind this is 3 in the morning.

While he was away, I saw his bag with the card in it, opened it and it said in much more vulgar language, 'I hope she was worth it.' I just couldn't believe this was happening; we were at a resort trying to have a nice weekend getaway. He gets back to the room, I confront him, his explanation was fishy, but I let it slide because nothing like this had ever happened before.

I came across his email which was open and read all these emails from other girls that he was having relationships with. We broke up.

Fast forward another month, and I move to Arizona to be with him and start fresh. Stupid me. He lost his business and could no longer make any payments, so I started to support him. Mind you we already had trust issues. One week I went away for business, and when I came back, there were really expensive bills on his Amex card for dinners and nice hotels. He was officially dumped after that. The whole relationship lasted four years. The first two were great, the last two sucked."

Heartbreak comes and goes, but you can heal your broken heart and move on with your life even with the most scandalous breakup stories.

Tell us

Share your breakup stories in the comments below!

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Comments

Comments on "Breakup stories: The weird, the sad & the just plain funny"

cindy N December 08, 2012 | 9:22 PM

I have had a my share of mutual break ups but noneinteresting enough to share. Just the average no longer working for us, however, my daughters was a riot. She had invited a good friend of hers to an award ceremony in which she received a generous scholarship and much attention. After the event her friend told her that he thought they should start seeing other people. They were never an item. My daughter laughed about being dumped by a non boyfriend. I beleive she got a glimpse of how weird dating would be.

Dee R. May 31, 2012 | 11:35 AM

I laughed at the "freckles" excuse. However, I can top that tale. I once dated a guy named John in the DC area. John across as so classy and nice. However, early on he showed me his family tree. I thought gesture was a bit odd, but ignored it. A few months into the relationship, he said, "I cannot date you anymore. Your name does not fit into the family tree." Huh? Since when was Dee considered odd? However, the accepted names included Agnes, Agatha, Bertha, Beulah, and Hortense. Oh, and my family had to be in Virginia prior to 1750. I don't recall being upset when John dumped me, just relieved. I wonder if John is still single considering all of his family rules? Oh well!

Bryn May 18, 2012 | 4:00 PM

I think the last story is pretty ridiculous! You catch him, then a month later get up and move with him, then start supporting him financially?! I do not feel sorry for someone who doesn't respect themselves enough to react to those already huge waving red flags! Men are pigs!!

Veronica April 25, 2012 | 2:23 PM

Thanks Kelly! I dont know what came over me. Frustration and disappointment along with a healthy dose of estrogen I suppose, lol. He was a big, strong guy and could easily have snapped this diminutive Asian woman in two ;-) Kudos to him for handling himself with such honor and grace, and demonstrating what it truly means to be a gentleman, with the flowers and apology. It was such a strong, manly and chivalrous gesture on his part that I must admit that I wanted to have one last fling with him, lol, but of course reason prevailed ;-) I wonder if most young men today would show the same level of chivalry in that situation that he did.

Sarah April 24, 2012 | 1:32 PM

I was dating this guy for a few months when I decided that it just wasn't working. He was very quite and getting him to talk about himself was like pulling teeth. He invited me over and I began to explain how I was feeling when the door bell rang. His family walked in carrying all sorts of food and gift bags. I broke up with him on his birthday!

Kelly Mallei April 19, 2012 | 10:59 AM

These breakup stories are so funny! Love the comment "And she had be gums..." Bwahahahaha! Yours was super funny too, Veronica! Nice work letting him know who's boss.

Veronica April 19, 2012 | 9:45 AM

I’m a bit embarrassed about this, but cut me a little slack, this happened 20+ years ago, and I was an emotional, young college girl at the time (an English Lit/Drama major no less). I had been romantically involved with this guy for about six months and it seemed to me that we just couldn’t take things to the next level and it would be in both of our interests to move on. So one day, I decided to have a heart to heart chat with him, going to great lengths to be sensitive to his feelings, and getting a little emotional in the process of saying it was time to end things. His response? Well, very casual, dry (he was an engineering major, go figure;) and hmmm, maybe even a little cheerful. He said with a smile, “yeah, you’re right, it’s probably the best thing.” Well, I was stunned by his lack of disappointment and asked if that was all he had to say. He again replied casually, “yeah, I think that’s about it.” I had invested the past six months of my life with this guy and he didnt seem to be the least bit upset that I was breaking up with him?! That was more than I could take. I stood up from the bench we were sitting on in the heart of the campus quad (imagine a diminutive Asian gal hovering over a large, strapping male), gently lifted his chin (by the look on his face, he may have been expecting a good bye kiss) and then SMACK — he got a hearty slap, right across the face. Of course I walked away in a huff, a complete, emotional wreck. Later on, I talked about it with a few of my sorority sisters and of course got hugged, consoled, etc. Then one of my sisters said something like “so wait a minute….you broke up with him and then slapped him?”. It then occurred to me how ridiculous the scenario was! Laughter ensued along with lots of good-natured teasing from my friends. The story doesn’t end there. A few days later, he sent me flowers and an apology card. I’m not sure if the poor guy even knew what he was apologizing for! ;-)

Ally April 18, 2012 | 10:49 AM

That freckle breakup story is rediculous! That's honestly the worst reason for breaking up with someone that I've ever heard. What a jerk.

Emily C. April 18, 2012 | 10:38 AM

OMG Nearly spit my coffee out when I read about the fake artist who was tracing women out of Cosmo. Hilarious!

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