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But he's planning on leaving her any day now! But he's technically separated, even though they're still living together! But he has the east wing, and she has the west, and perhaps you can come up from the servants' quarters to be with him every Wednesday, Downton Abbey-style! It's true that no one comes without any baggage whatsoever, but if you suspect things aren't really over between him and his wife, a truly clean break might not be on the horizon. And that will only delay your own happiness. The Dowager Countess would rather you enjoy your life, m'dear.
He has unhealthy
Your guy likes his booze and his food. He might even love his booze and his food. Maybe he's been known to smoke cigarettes regularly or use, ahem, other substances on a daily basis. He's not in the best shape, which doesn't matter that much to you, but you're starting to worry about long-term health. If he doesn't show any willingness to make his life healthier, you could be dealing with more stress than you'd like, and a relationship deal breaker. Not that there's anything wrong with the occasional deep-fried Oreo. And now we're hungry.
You don't need lavish dinners to keep you happy, but sometimes you catch him skimping on the waiter's tip. Or he "forgets" his wallet when it comes time to pay the check. Or, you overhear him shaking down his buddies for small amounts of change if he thinks he consumed fewer hot wings than the rest of the guys at the table. A frugal guy is a treasure, but a cheap one is embarrassing. It's hot when a man is generous every now and then.
Every couple has its own issues to work out, but maybe you're still a little steamed about the fact that he wasn't faithful, either once or over and over. Context is key (like a drunken makeout vs. a long-term affair, depending on your values), but if you're having a hard time getting past it, it might be best to move on to another guy with a clean slate — even though clean slates aren't as exciting as getting dirty. (Pssst: The kinda-boring ones are better in the long run, trust us!)
His hobbies are more
Perhaps this is his problem: If there's a TV showing a sporting event that is switched on in any room you're in (be it your living room, a bar or the lounge portion of a really nice restaurant), your guy is watching it. Football. Basketball. Cricket. Curling... He knows all the players and all the stats. Maybe you're just not that into sports. Or maybe you're just not that into fighting with ESPN for his attention. Either way, the sporting life can be exhausting, especially when you're sharing your bed (-room television) with Jeremy Lin. Same goes for other passions: If your guy kicks you aside in favor of running every 10k in a 60-mile radius or would rather hit every indie concert solo than take you along, it might be time to let him and his hobbies be alone together.
Carly Simon nailed the stereotype of the dandy way before men were donning women's jeans and sculpting handlebar mustaches in the name of trend-setting. Beware of the peacocking vain man, who will spend half a paycheck on the perfect Paul Smith blazer to pair with his jaunty new yellow socks. It can be a huge asset to have a fashionista in the house, but not when the way he wants to be perceived gets so complicated that the two of you can only go to happenin' places if you're dressed to the nines and seen with the right people. Or maybe he's already encouraged you to ditch your own threads for pricier picks that you can't afford. Hello, you have your own 401(k) to fund! Plus, no guy's face moisturizer should cost more than an iPod. Just sayin'.
He wants kids, you don't
(or vice versa)
Deep down, you know what you want your future family to look life, whether you want to be a DINK (dual income, no kids) or have a house full of pitter-pattering little feet. If your man isn't at least mostly onboard with your vision, it can be the difference between smooth sailing and a whole lot of fighting. Couples always have to compromise, even on the number of kids they might want, but if his idea of family life is the polar opposite of yours, Houston, we may have a problem.
Business suits? Sexy. A solid work ethic? Hella sexy. Never seeing him because he's at the office until 11 most nights? Pretty unsexy. Especially when you suspect his passion for the office is outpacing his desire for you. Watching your guy work his cute little hiney off can be an aphrodisiac, but he's gotta make time for you, too. Otherwise, you're just an accessory to his fulfilling life. And, hey, isn't he supposed to be your arm candy? Kidding. (Sort of.)
More relationship red flags
How a seemingly healthy relationship turns abusive
5 First date red flags
4 No-fail signs it's time to move on