Facebook, Twitter and the Internet in general have made it all too easy to check what your ex is up to after a breakup. According to Caird Urquhart, author of 30 Ways to Better Days: How To Rally After You've Been Dumped, almost 74 percent of people have looked up an ex-lover on the Internet. That said, it's not surprising that 57 percent of singletons say thinking about their exes prevents them from finding new love. When you're still snooping around in your ex's life -- even virtually -- you're hindering your own ability to heal old wounds.
Losing a trusted constant in your life is painful. Allow yourself to cry and reflect. Reach out to a confidant who can listen without judgement. If you're not good at expressing your feelings, write them down on paper. It may sound a bit corny, but writing a letter (that you'll never send) to your former flame expressing emotions, regrets and happy memories can be very cathartic and can put you on the path to closure.
Get rid of the evidence! Visual reminders of your ex often carry more weight than the actual relationship.
-- Caird Urquhart, author of 30 Ways to Better Days: How To Rally After You've Been Dumped
Every relationship, good and bad, usually teaches us a little more about ourselves. Find the lesson in this latest relationship or breakup, but recognize that it's separate from your ex. When you can let go of false attachments to the past and simply enjoy memories and lessons for what they are, you'll be less likely to cling to your suffering and more open to appreciating new experiences.
You may crave the "old routine," but Urquhart says one of the best ways to get over a breakup is to spend time doing new activities with new people. Not only will it break you of thinking and talking about your old relationship, but it also will open you to new skills and experiences that can boost your confidence when you're ready to date again.
If you had a standing date night with your ex, repurpose that time as an ongoing date night with yourself. Use the time to be completely selfish. Try a new workout class, read a book, learn a new language, or cook a fine meal for one while listening to music and sipping wine. Nurturing your own spirit can go a long way in mending and moving on.
Head to the SheKnows Book Lounge for a great fiction read about love, life, family, betrayal and moving on – Lisa Kleypas' new novel Rainshadow Road, our Red Hot Book of the Week.
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