Let's face it; between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you will end up at more family dinners than you have the time or energy for, so why not devise a plan in which you spread yourselves around between several dinners equally. That way, no one feels shafted and you'll have imparted some semblance of equality to the proceedings. It's easy for one family to feel they "deserve" more of your time, so much so that they don't see why you need to share your holiday time with anyone else. If that sounds like your family, there are several options to think about:
If splitting your time between the two families won't work (and sometimes it doesn't), you can try offering to have everyone come to you (if you have the space) or suggest everyone from both sides of the family meet at a mutually agreeable location equidistant from all involved. This can be a restaurant, cabin/cottage, lodge, hotel – anywhere a large group of you can gather and be together for one or more holiday dinners. While this option can be more costly if you need to rent space, it can be a good compromise. No one needs to take sides or feel offended that this year you're having turkey with his family instead of your own because everyone is together.
This option only works if there are no grandchildren involved. If all else fails and you can't come to any compromises (and everyone just keeps freaking out), just divide and conquer. You deal with your own family dinners and he can deal with his. Though not ideal since you'll be forced to spend some of the "big days" apart, sometimes this is the only way to keep the peace. Should you find yourself in this boat of separate holiday dinners, create some of your own traditions amidst the chaos. Pick a date for your own dinner, just the two of you or with your close group of friends. That way you won't feel as though you're unable to have any time as a couple.
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