Make The Right
Love Decision

Before you decide to get married or even enter into a long-term relationship, there are a few important lessons you should learn that will make your life easier and much less stressful. Love can be tricky so it's a good idea to know what you're getting into before you take the plunge from dating to something a lot more serious. We’re here to help make sure the whole transition goes smoothly. Read on for some advice that will help you know if you're making the right decision.

Woman thinking about breaking up with boyfriend

1You can't change a guy

You may be able to make improvements to whomever you're with, but you won't be able to change him – as hard as you might try or as much as you might want to. It can be very tempting to believe you can take someone who you like – to a point – and turn him into the man of your dreams. Don't believe it. If you don't fully accept him now, as he is, you won't be able to magically make him into someone different just by marrying or moving in with him. Think long and hard before you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone – or even just agreeing to share an apartment, because if you aren't totally happy with who they are and what they're about, you're setting yourself up for a relationship roller coaster that will have you feeling frustrated in no time.

2Chemistry can't be manufactured

What starts off as a hot and heavy romance could end up feeling less-than-passionate within a year. Sometimes this just means you need to retool your approach to romance and try new things when it comes to sex, but other times it means whatever you had is over. You might still think he's nice and fun to be around, but if the chemistry is truly gone, it's not likely to come rushing back any time soon, and you can't force it. Moving forward with a guy you no longer feel any kind of spark with is a bad idea. You'll be leading him on and risking spending time with a person you're no longer into.

3You have to love yourself first

We know you've heard it before and you're going to hear it again – that in order to really have a successful, meaningful relationship with someone else, you have to love yourself first. It may sound like something out of a self-help book, but trust us – it's true. If you don't love and respect yourself (you should, you're fabulous!) then how can you expect someone else to do it? The happier you are with who you are, the easier it will be to attract someone who is worthy of your love and who will treat you well.

4Go with your gut – it's usually right

The most important lesson you can learn before you settle down is to listen to yourself. It's OK to ask for advice and get other people's input, but ultimately you're the only one who knows what's best for you. If you're in a relationship that's progressing quickly and something doesn't feel right, don't ignore those feelings. You don't have to make any rash decisions, but you should also take any doubts that come up seriously. And if you are having doubts about where the relationship is going, you need to address them. Think seriously about whether or not you're happy and if you're not, it may be time to move on.

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Comments

Comments on "Important lessons to learn before settling down"

Natalie March 05, 2013 | 11:12 PM

What about if your just new to a serious relationship and you only feel sparks when your around that person, then when your apart you kind of just don't mind not seeing him or don't always feel like texting back to his messages?

Erin September 20, 2012 | 1:55 PM

Going with your gut is important if you're dating. If you're already married, you have to try to work it out. When dating, make sure to listen to that voice in the back of your head, and look for red flags. They will be present when dating, too.

Tina July 08, 2012 | 6:13 PM

I don't think if you lose your spark it means you should end the relationship. The spark WILL go away in a marriage, but it also comes back! I'm married, and I'll admit I don't feel "head over heels, crazy in love" every day. It takes work! Sometimes I do feel like that, though. You have to remember that love is a choice and it's waking up everyday and chosing to love that person.

Emma May 02, 2012 | 1:51 PM

I agree with some points, but also disagree. You must love yourself to truly love another. And if a guy is one way, marriage or any sort of commitment will not change his attitude or behavior. But if you are committed to someone, you don't just lose the spark! Relationships and intimacy are a lot of work, and if you don't work at it then it can suffer, but you don't just lose it and move on!

Happy Mhango October 20, 2011 | 5:27 AM

This is a very good piece of advice to the lonely hearts

Chawetey October 19, 2011 | 12:00 PM

i think that making the right plan before getting married in the most important. so i sec end with the idea that came up thank you very much

Richie October 19, 2011 | 10:51 AM

wow!!! powerful message

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