Bachelorette Ashley's Dating Don'ts
Of all the bachelorettes in the history of The Bachelorette, Ashley is hands down the worst role model for single and dating women everywhere. Want to clear a room packed with 25 eligible bachelors in ten mere episodes and end up with nothing but your midriff baring half-shirts to dry your tears? Read on for Bachelorette Ashley's dating don'ts!
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Make every cocktail party you attend grave and depressing — that is, when you're not cancelling the cocktail parties
Was it just us or were the "cocktail parties" this season painful to watch? Usually the ladies are laughing, knocking back glasses of wine and otherwise enjoying themselves with hotties hand-selected for them. But not Ashley. She made absolutely sure that each cocktail party was a depressing marker in her inchworm-paced journey to secure some semblance of self-esteem. Well, unless she canceled the cocktail parties because she was in a mood. Because, whatever, you know? She's Ashley, and the world is obviously out to get her.
Talk incessantly about the last Neanderthal who dumped you
Bentley equals bad news (see #1). We know it. The guys know it. You know who still doesn't really know it, even after being warned, being dumped and being disrespected? Ashley. Her crowning achievement in obliviousness and self-centeredness was in Episode 6, when she tells the guys in Hong Kong that Bentley was, in fact, back (for "closure," etc., blah, blah, blah), but she's totally over him! Really! That's why she can't stop saying Bentley's name! That revelation led contestant Mickey to hop a boat (literally, a boat) and get the heck out of there — quitting the show forever. Slow clap, Mickey. We'd have done the same thing if it were a guy.
Care about no one but yourself
During Ashley's one-on-one time with the guys, especially in the first episodes, you can almost see her thoughts drifting...somewhere. To Bentley? To what abomination of an outfit she's going to wear later? To...anything but what the guy in front of her is saying? True, it must be a lot of pressure to be the sole female star of a show and have the cameras constantly on you, but it couldn't hurt Ashley to at least fake a tad more empathy. Case in point: Poor Ames getting clocked in the noggin during a Muay Thai boxing match during Episode 5 and receiving a medically diagnosed concussion. Instead of embracing Ames and hopping up in that ambulance to make sure he's okay, she merely waves as he's taken away. Poor Ames. Poor us for having to watch the awkwardness.
...Yet still think you have nothing to offer anyone
We would pay good money for Ashley to take up a hobby (macrame? kickboxing?) or at least see a helpful therapist so she can build some confidence and like what she sees in the mirror. At the end of this season, even in Episode 9, she was still trying to grasp the concept that a man should want her as much as she wants him — that handing a guy a rose doesn't just mean dragging him back to her cave (or fantasy suite) and forcing herself on him. (Pardon the metaphor.) Ashley, there's so much to love about who you are and where you are — especially when you're traveling the world with a cavalcade of hot guys.
Never smile, laugh or joke with abandon
If there was one thing that previous Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky had down pat, it was that she beamed and giggled and grinned her way through the show and seemed genuinely excited to not only be the Bachelorette, but to go anywhere, with any of the guys. If there's one thing Ashley has down pat, it's looking...annoyed and introspective, no matter what exciting thing is happening around her or which guy is telling her he adores her. Just once, we'd love to see Ashley crack a dirty joke or flash a brighter-than-bright smile. However, in Episode 9, she says this about sexy JP: "He makes me want to smile all the time. When I look at him, I feel like I could smile forever." We hope she does.
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