Why Some Guys
Can't Commit

We all either know – or have dated – that great guy who just can't (or won't) settle down. He's charismatic, good looking and has a great sense of humor, so what's the problem? We've looked long and hard at the many reasons guys like him have remained unattached and have come up with a few worth mentioning. Here we look at some of the biggest reasons guys don't – or won't – settle down.

Woman upset by boyfriend on the phone

1They're too career-oriented

It's frustrating to see perfectly dateable guys pass up opportunity after opportunity to lock down a great girl. We gals can't (and won't) wait forever, you know. Whether you've had to break it off with the guy who just wouldn't move the relationship forward or you've watched some of your male BFFs cut things off with great girls who wanted them to settle down, some guys will forever put their career first. In this case, it's really not you, it's them. They can't quite offer the full emotional support to anyone they care about because the job always comes first. You can try to change him, but in the end, you'll just end up playing second fiddle to his career.

2They're lifelong players

Some guys will never be able to settle down because they don't want to miss out on the next potential conquest. If you've had the (dis)pleasure of being just another notch on some guy's belt, than you know what we mean. You may have felt something more for him, and while he did have fun with you, he was always on the lookout for the next chase. Guys like this are immune to love. They close themselves off to real emotion connections and instead focus only on the physical. It's too bad because so many of them are sweet guys who really do mean well, but they just can't seem to give up on the game.

3They're scared of commitment

We're not sure why the idea of commitment strikes fear in the hearts of so many guys, but there are men out there who just can't wrap their heads around the idea of commitment. As soon as they feel like things are getting too serious and that whomever they're with is itching for more (marriage, moving in together), they run. Whether their fear stems from not wanting to be tied down, worried that they haven't been with enough women or unsure about where they see their future, some men can't commit even if they seem to genuinely care for the woman they're with. So no matter how you look at it, the commitment-phobic guy isn't going to be settling down any time soon.

4They haven't found The One

Even if you've watched several of your guy friends walk away from women you were convinced were perfect for them, the relationship might not have been quite so ideal from the inside. That's not to say there wasn't love and happiness, but maybe things just looked rosier from the outside looking in. While not as common as being afraid to commit or unable to stop sleeping around, some guys haven't settled down yet because they just haven't found The One. So the next time you meet a cute, slightly older guy at a party or bar and he's yet to settle down into something more than casual, it could simply be that he's still waiting for the perfect partner.

Tell us

Have you ever dated a commitment phobe?

Share your experience with us in the comments section below!

More dating tips & advice

5 Guys you should date before settling down
Where to meet a great guy this summer
4 Signs he's definitely not a keeper


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Comments on "4 Reasons guys won't settle down"

John smith January 28, 2014 | 10:43 PM

I can see it on both perspectives as a male. Women are just as bad as men today sleeping around and always out partying with friends even during a relationship so trust is an issue at times. Also, the entire women divorcing and taking a man's money can also be a mental threat to many guys seeing how the divorce rate is rising. Men feel like they have no freedom or lose their rights as a man because women tend to try to dominate the man and wear the pants in the household (Happy wife happy life) Men also feel that and this has been said, the life drops once married, as women feel the need to use as a item to ensure security or commitment due to other competition and yet hold back once married. I can not bash women or men on this topic but some guys just rather live a bachelor lifestyle, to be in charge of his own domain, life, personal space, and future security of income/assets. Besides all this, Living in the Toronto area, I find most attractive women here are extremely standoffish, shallow, rude, materialistic, and spoiled entitled princesses. They care more about what you do for a living and make rather than what your name is when you first approach them! All I have to say being a single guy is if a woman wants me to settle down with her, she better be everything I want, without the slightest doubts, because then I see things leading to a separation in the future and that is something I rather not be, another statistic!

Jay December 19, 2013 | 6:36 PM

It is really like most women nowadays just don't want to commit to us men anymore.

Luke June 01, 2013 | 11:44 AM

None of the reasons are the main ones why men won't settle down: (1) There is literally NOTHING in marriage for men - they have everything it can offer already. (2) If the woman decides to divorce him she can financially rape him - the family courts basically treat men as a spousal cash cow and he doesn't even get to see his children if she plays blocks him off - the courts will talk about him getting access but DO nothing.

Ann May 29, 2013 | 7:36 AM

Guys are selfish! Tell a guy to have a career & be married at the same time is a crazy idea... because you know us women just want our jobs to focus on our husbands & making sure their laundry is clean! They don't even realize the balancing act we're doing. Guilty here too, I dated a guy for 2yrs who never wanted to settle down -- he always knew this, I found this out after "the talk". I hate having "the talk".

Chase April 10, 2013 | 4:39 PM

It's so funny how women spend their 20's sleeping around and as soon as that biological clock starts to tick, they get the attitude that men need to be men and settle down. I'm sorry, I'm 29 and the women I meet from ages 23-32 have had anywhere from 2 to 5 times the amount of partners that I have had. It seems women today want their cake and to eat it too. Men are starting to wake up, why the hell do we even need marriage anyways?

Megan September 22, 2012 | 3:53 PM

Andrew----you are an idiot. Why would commitment ever be a negative thing in a relationship? If you don't want commitment, don't be in a relationship. AhDUH.

Eve August 16, 2012 | 9:29 AM

Wow! This article just seems to confirm my fear that my current boyfriend just does not want to marry me because I am "Not The One" in his life. We have been together for over 5 years and have told him that I want marriage and children. We met when I was 34. Time wasted? Yes, at times I feel like I wasted all those years with him when I could have found someone else. Sometimes, I feel deep inside that I am not "The One" for him...yet I am still hanging on thinking he might just change his mind. We are going to a wedding tomorrow and I will meet all of his family ( I already met others) but we had a big fight yesterday and now, I don't feel like going. I am actually thinking maybe this is the end of the road of our relationship for me. It's so difficult for me to leave him because I love him and being alone at this stage (I just turned 40) is almost unbearable. There were times when I felt that once we break up, he will easily find someone else to marry. However, I am now realizing that maybe he is "Not Perfect" for me either. I have tried so hard to please him; to do everything he wants in bed and be adventurous. I am "not" perfect for him and neither does he for me. So perhaps by leaving, I am doing us both a favor.

Andrew August 08, 2012 | 3:42 AM

It's amusing how men are portrayed negatively for not wanting commitment, when women aren't portrayed negatively for wanting commitment. Good job supporting a double standard though!

Sarah August 06, 2012 | 9:59 AM

Chantelle: It sounds like we are dating the same guy and he is bouncing between the two of us. Mine is also 34, indecisive and drinks excessively with the boys when he is not working incessantly. We get together, he introduces me to his friends and brothers, wants to see me every week...then boom, I don't see him for six weeks...and I am completely in love with him ...but I have my kids and am not a relationship type, I pretty much just want to treat him sweet and have really great a few time a week . so I really don't get it..

Chantelle July 22, 2012 | 11:27 AM

I have been with this guy for a year on and off. I am at the age where I want to settle down and meet the right one. He has had mixed opinions throughout the year about what he wants for his future. Although we broke up because he wasn't into our relationship anymore, he than came back a month later and asked me to go back with him. This time we broke up because I was fed up with his indecision and need to drink excessively and hang with the boys all the time. He's 34 so I couldn't do it. I now am having a really hard time with the break up, wishing he'll come back like the last time (which I never expected he would) and say I am the one after all.

Al Sefati July 11, 2012 | 1:01 PM

Also wanted to say some can't let go of the past

Erica June 20, 2012 | 9:37 AM

I dated a guy once who I thought was a great match for me. He was confident, a little quirky, super smart and adventurous, cute... We were together for a little while but he just wasn't the relationship type. It wasn't that he was afraid of commitment, he just wasn't one to be "together" with anyone. Oh well.

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