Where have all the good men gone?

Jun 07, 2011 6:42 AM by Jessica Padykula

Posted in Love & Sex / Single Girls' Guide / Dating Dos & Don'ts

Dating Bites
The Dust

As much as we're big advocates for women being proactive when it comes to dating and not waiting around for a guy to do the heavy lifting, we're not going to be upset when a guy makes the first move and asks us out. But we've been noticing a slow and steady decline of men who seem willing to do the asking, which has us wondering, has dating bit the dust? To help ease the minds of women everywhere who may be wondering the same thing, we've put together a few theories.

Lonely woman at bar

There are too many rules

The days of boy meets girl, boy asks girl out have been over for a long time. Dating today involves navigating an intricate maze of dos and don'ts that sometimes leaves us shaking our head in confusion. Maybe the men out there are getting tired of trying to figure out how many days to wait before calling, whether or not kissing you goodnight is OK or if texting twice in a day is too much. If that's the case, we don't blame him. In other cultures, no one scoffs or rolls their eyes when you tell them the boy you just met last night has already called. Here, we figure a guy is too desperate if he gets in touch right away, or that there must be something wrong with him. No wonder dating is on the decline – guys don't have any idea how to figure out what we want.

Fast fix: If you meet a guy and you hit it off, tell him to forget the rules and that it's OK if he calls you tomorrow. If he doesn't, it's HIS loss.

We're doing all the work

We are most certainly not suggesting women sit back and let love come to them. That may have worked in the 1950s but it's all about equality today. That being said, it does seem as though women are expected to do most of the heavy lifting lately where dating is concerned. Are guys today just too lazy to make a move? Do they lack initiative? To get a better idea of what women think about the current demise of dating, we polled some single ladies to get their take on what's going on with men lately.

Real women speak out:

"I don't mind doing the asking, but it seems to happening a lot lately," said one 30-something PR professional.

"Guys just don't seem to care about making the first move anymore and it's kind of frustrating," said an administrative assistant in her mid-20s.

"I think guys lately know that if they wait long enough a girl will make a move," concluded one marketing manager who is contemplating taking a break from dating for a while.

Guys are intimidated

Could it be that dating is a dying art because guys just can't seem to work up the nerve to make a move? It may sound like a half-baked theory, but women don't always come off as approachable in social settings. We don't want to look like we're trolling for a date, so we gather a gaggle of girlfriends and go out en masse; often acting like the last thing we're interested in is being approached by an interested member of the opposite sex. Going out in groups isn't the issue – we all do it – and it's a guaranteed good time. But the problems with this scenario are twofold. One, it's hard for a guy to get a read on one person when there are several others in between him and his main target. Second, big groups of girls are intimidating – there are 8 of you and only one of him – no wonder he can't work up the nerve to come wandering over or buy you a drink.

What to do instead:

Roll with fewer friends. Break up into smaller groups rather than staying as a tight crew for the whole night. Guys will be more likely to come over to one or two women.
Look approachable. This means no arms folded across your chest, no hands on hips and no angling your body away from someone who might want to talk to you.
Smile. There's nothing more intimidating for a guy than trying to figure out how to come up to a woman who he thinks is cute but who isn't smiling.