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Kick your sexual insecurities to the curb

Jessica Padykula is a freelance writer and editor in Toronto, Canada covering a wide range of  topics for several online lifestyle publications. She is a regular contributor for SheKnows, covering travel, style, relationships, health and...

Feel better about sex

Worried about cellulite as you slide between the sheets? Not sure if you're adventurous enough for your new man? Too scared to be yourself in the bedroom? Sexual insecurities come in all shapes and sizes and some people are more confident when it comes to sex than others. If you fall on the side of being too self-conscious to really let loose, we're here to help you shed your insecurities and have a much better time in the bedroom. Here's how.

Couple smiling in bed

1Ditch the comparisons

Whether you compare yourself to brazen, buxom beauties on the big screen – who always seem to be able to get undressed in one swift, sexy movement (while simultaneously pouring a glass of wine and making out with the handsome male lead) or you compare yourself to your friends as you listen to their latest sexual exploits, one thing is for certain – you'll just end up feeling worse. Every woman is different when it comes to sexual comfort, overall confidence level and adventurous attitude, and if you don't fall exactly where your BFF does or you figure all of your sexual experiences should look like they do in the movies, than you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

The bottom line: Focusing on comparisons as you're getting ready to do the deed will only distract you to the point of frustration. Focus on you and your enjoyment and call it quits with the unhealthycomparisons.

2Learn to love your body

The less comfortable you feel in your own skin the more sexually inhibited you'll be. Worrying about a jiggle here or a little extra wiggle there will only make you and your guy crazy. Trust us on this one -- there's nothing guys hate more than to hear their girl complain constantly about weight, especially when things are supposed to be heating up. Talking about cellulite is definitely NOT a turn on. So rather than fret about the firmness of your thighs, take a deep breath, put all thoughts about body consciousness out of your mind and enjoy what's happening.

Check out these body-loving tips to help you out:

  • Walk around naked so you get used to the sight of your body – all of it.
  • Don't compare yourself to other people. Just like making sexual comparisons is a no-no, so is being distracted by the fact you don't have Gisele Bundchen's legs or Scarlett Johansson's breasts.
  • Appreciate your body for everything it does for you.
  • Get moving. The more you use your body and work up a sweat, the better you'll feel!

3Relax

Seriously, stop putting all this pressure on yourself to look a certain way, act a certain way or do certain things in bed. Sex isn't only about other people – it's about you and your enjoyment. Yes it's also about the other person and a mutual intimacy, but it should never just be about that other person. Aiming to please is one thing, and making someone else happy can be a turn on in itself, but equal pleasure is the goal and you should never feel inadequate for not doing something you're not sure about.

The bottom line: So rather than stress about sex, take a step back, cut yourself a little slack and focus on simply enjoying yourself. After all, sex is supposed to be fun!

4Start slow

If you've been thinking a lot about getting more brazen in the bedroom and feel a bit self-conscious about sex in general, you don't have to go from one end of the sexual spectrum to the other in one bold move. Start slow and make small steps towards getting more comfortable with your sexual self, rather than feeling like you have to make huge changes all at once. For some people, it can take time to feel totally at ease between the sheets and that's alright.

The bottom line: Expand your comfort zone slowly and before you know it, you'll have banished your bedroom insecurities. Here's to a happier, more confident you!

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