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How you could be disrespecting him

Dr. Noelle Nelson is a relationship expert and an internationally respected psychologist, author and seminar leader. She has given life-changing guidance to couples for more than 20 years.

Check out Noelles relationship and marriage advic...

Cut back on criticizing your man

Your honey has been oh so cold towards you since the barbecue last weekend and you can't figure out why. Everybody had a great time, loved your guacamole recipe and complimented your neatly trimmed backyard. So what's his problem? Did his favorite team lose? Did you scorch his lucky shirt? Is it (gasp!) another woman? Probably none of the above. Remember to be sensitive to his feelings as you go about solving this little bump in the road of love.

Cut back on criticizing your man

How to get your man out of his funk

If you could tune in to his inner musings, here's what you'd likely hear:

"Why did she laugh when I dropped the spatula? Why did she say 'Oh, he's always dropping things' to our friends? It made me feel like a real dufus. I'm not clumsy! I don't think I'm clumsy. Am I clumsy? Is that how she looks at me?"

"And when I served up her dad's hamburger, why did she have to say 'Now, Sweetheart, you know Dad doesn't like his meat well done. Oh, well, I guess he'll eat it anyway.' Hamburgers are supposed to be cooked through, aren't they? What makes her the authority on hamburgers? Is that how she thinks of me? Incompetent, like I can't even dish up a properly cooked hamburger. How am I supposed to be a good husband?"

The problem:

He's hurt! He's wounded! His male pride has been damaged by the woman who's supposed to stand by him. By showing up your husband's flaws in front of others, you're disrespecting him. And respect is critical to love. When we don't feel respect from those we love, it's very difficult to be tender towards them. So when you think you're just being playful, you might actually be hurting his feelings.

How to solve it:

If you feel the need to criticize your mate, do it in private. Better yet, don't. He dropped a spatula, so what? Your Dad's burger was overdone - let your Dad complain about it! The more you shine the bright light of your appreciation and approval on your mate, the greater the love that will flow between you.

Luckily, this is an easy fix. Approach your husband and ask if there's anything you've done lately to make him feel so down. Hear what he has to say and explain that you didn't mean to put him down. Be positive and remind him why you love him. In the future be concsious of what you say and if you wouldn't want him to say it about you, refrain. Instead, give him a little grin to let him know you love him anyways and make sure that your friends and family know why you adore him, not why he annoys you.

More relationship advice

Cut back on criticizing your man


In those moments of annoyance, it helps to remind yourself of the little things you love about him. The road of love can be a tough one to trek, especially if you have stopped taking the time to celebrate the good qualities. Our love expert suggests building a love nest.


Find out how to build your love nest and cut back on the criticism >>

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