Why You Still
Think About Him

It’s been months, and you still think about him. You might still love him, but there may be other reasons your ex occupies more of your time than you’d like. The relationship experts at SheKnows have come up with four other reasons you’re having a hard time letting go of the past.

Woman looking at old photos

1You still want answers.

Some breakups seem to come out of nowhere, and these are often the most difficult. And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, you're left with no explanation as to why the relationship ended. The more in the dark you are about what went wrong, the more you're going to obsess about it -- and your need for closure holds you back. If he hasn't called so far, he probably isn't going to, so do yourself a favor and move on.

2You're still angry.

If you're still angry about how the relationship ended or some of the total-jerk moves he pulled, you're likely having a hard time letting go. Moving past the anger and resentment you feel toward your ex can be difficult, but not doing so is allowing him to have a kind of post-breakup power over you. He doesn't deserve the amount of time and energy you're spending thinking about him (even if it is to send him negative thoughts). If anger is holding you back, it's time to let it go.

3Your ego is bruised.

No one likes to feel she's not good enough or that she couldn't be what someone else wanted her to be. Even if was for reasons that made sense (maybe you two just weren't compatible or had goals that pulled you apart), hearing someone tell you he wants the relationship to end can be very deflating. If you feel like you had the upper hand in the relationship and then had the rug pulled out from under you, your ego has suffered. Don't think of the relationship ending as a personal failure, though. Not every relationship will work out, and that doesn't make you a lesser person.

4You are not used to losing.

If you're used to getting what you want and being the one in control, then getting dumped will feel particularly painful. You're likely to obsess over what went wrong and how this guy managed to break up with you before you could do the deed first. Just because you're never the one on the wrong end of a breakup doesn't mean you should panic. Let go, move on and stop letting your need to be on top throw you off.

More breakup advice

How to let go of a failing relationship
How to bounce back after a breakup
Breaking up: The guide to who gets what


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Comments on "4 Reasons you can't let go of your ex"

Joann April 01, 2014 | 3:51 PM

I will never say those 3 word to a man again. No anger, no bitterness just the simple truth.

aly November 17, 2013 | 6:36 PM

My boyfriend was a total jerk to me, he guilt-ed me into doing things i was not ok with, so i broke up with him. But he was the first person i was truly in love with and could see having a real future with, but he just made me feel so bad about myself. But the thing is its been over 4 months and i still think about him everyday, i just wish things were different. I just wish i could get over him. But im finding out that forgetting about someone that you loved is a lot harder than it seems.

Cute July 17, 2013 | 10:33 AM

My ex bf left me a year back . I m still in pain and anger . I had loved him a lot and I still have something for him in my heart . I m very shattered that he left me . He wasn't happy with me , he said and that's why he left me . I couldn't take the pain of losing him and still the pain is there in my heart . I want to get the pain to end . I am very hurt . He was the kind of a guy I was searching for , I wanted in my life but the truth is something else . Can't take it anymore.

Eric stephen August 26, 2012 | 9:53 PM

I recently lost someone I truely cares about this year my girlfriend of Eight years left me this may for her ex and then as of July 1 she married him is been devastating for me and now found out she's having his baby ,I have met someone knew but it just ain't the same .

Mason June 23, 2012 | 2:05 AM

I am still actually feeling the harsh sting to my break up as of last October when, from out of nowhere the relationship was ended by my girlfriend. She decided that I was insane and the things I would say made me sound that way to her. That was the only explanation I got but after a while I was asking around from friends that knew her what she would say about me because everyone thought we were a great couple that knew us. On October 14th, 2011, I received a text saying that she wanted to break up. The Sunday that followed that Friday I went to her house to try and save the relationship and was stomped into the ground without hesitation. Mostly, from the flashbacks and memories, I didn't have any chance of saving that relationship at all. I think what signed my death warrant that day was the last thing I said to her before I walked out the door. "So now you're going to find someone else that can take care of you better than I could." About a month ago I told one of my closest friends that I was debating suicide because I had refused to let go of the relationship and her birthday was coming up. My plan was to attempt suicide on my ex girlfriends birthday. I kept telling myself it was the gift that would keep on giving. My friend didn't want to hear it so she went to my school counsilor and told him everything. He then had me meet with my schools psychiatrist to check my mental state and see if I was okay. I tested at high risk for suicide after several tests (which, believe it or not, I answered honestly) and came out at a high risk for suicide. My parents were informed and since then I have not been able to be myself as much without having my parents watch my every move to make sure I'm okay. I just want closure is all. Ive always wanted one chance to say that for whatever I did to wrong her I'm sorry and I just hope that for whatever it was I hope that she feels better knowing I can't do it again. There was no answers to it at all and it was my first real relationship that ended so abruptly. It wasn't a violent relationship, nor one that most would view as a bad thing. It was me trying my best to be something and someone I wasn't to make her happy. He only thing I would ask out of her was to see her smiling when I went home for the day. And then the cycle started all over the next day :)

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